The Rainy Day
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2001-08-19 06:38:11 (UTC)

As time passes

First of all this is my journal. You are wanting to know
my deepest thoughts and about ME. You take ME for ME. If
you don't like it, then i'll give you two options, one deal
with it and two deal with it. If you are the person that
this is about, you know who you are, tiffani, then you need
to know that i will always love you. And that you need to
call me before i will email or call you. I am tired of
initiating everything. I hope that we will talk. If you
read this before 11:00 am then call me while i'm at home.
If after, then call me at like 5ish.

This is my horoscope for the day...
Some people are unpredictable and evasive--and give you
troubles. A surprise expense may also arise, but it's
worth it. Charity begins at home, so help yourself to some
good feelings!

This is her horoscope for the day...
What makes this day special are the happy times you'll be
sharing with a romantic interest. Enjoy going somewhere
nice together. Loved ones misbehave mostly because they
need encouragement and more attention.

I'm not really sure how I can express the way I feel right
now, but what the hell...

I hope by writing this I can help myself feel better, i
don't know tho, we'll see. I guess b/c i'm going off to
college right now i want something that i can depend on at
home. My mother just remarried, well September 23, 2000,
to a person that i met at a camp, before her. He was a
counselor and when i came home i told my mom that my
counselor was an asshole. The next thing i know she just
told me that they are getting married, this was about three
years later. At first I started to laugh, but she wasn't
laughing. I ran to my room and slammed the door shut,
jumped into my bed, assumed the fetal position and began to
cry uncontrollably. I think i cried for about three
hours. Well ever since then my life has been changing
drastically. We move, the get married, I start my senior
year of high school upset b/c my mom is getting married.
Who cares that I am sad. Then I start working to make some
extra money and get away from my mother and her husband.
So when i started working I met this girl. I have never met
anyone like her. She is the nicest, smartest, prettiest,
blah blah blah, you know the type of person that you fell
in love with the first time you met them. Well we really
didn't get to know each other very well then. I worked at
this place for about six months, until i graduated. So I
started working at the camp, it's like a home away from
home for me a place where everything just made me all warm
inside. Before I left, the girl gave me her phone number
and told me to call her. I said I would, but i told her
that i didn't know when i would have time being a counselor
and all. And i gave her my number and told her to leave a
message if i didn't pick up the phone. I called her a
couple of times, but know one picked up. The one time i
got in touch with her, she thought that i was her ex-
boyfriend or something and got mad at me. Again i said i
would call her, but this time I lost her number so i
couldn't. Well some stuff happened at the camp, so i had
to leave for my sanity. But i still needed a job so like
three weeks after i left the camp i went back to my old job
where the girl worked and asked if i could come back and
they said i could. Then I saw the girl again. I don't
remember ever feeling so happy and warm inside. We i asked
her out and she said ok. Trying to find out something that
she wanted to do was like pulling teeth or something. She
always said stuff like I don't care, whatever you want...
We watched a movie and that was the last time we ever did
anything. Like we've talked on the phone for hours at a
time and i never talk on the phone. I try to plan
something and she says that it's ok but then she'll call or
something and say she can't go. She's left me waiting
twice and then said that she was too tired the third time.
When she was too tired, that was tonight, so i felt really
sad, i didn't know if i wanted to talk to her again. She
says if we never talk that she is going to cry, but i just
have a hard time believing anything she says. I want to
believe everything and anything, but i don't think i can
anymore. There is a point at which you can't take anymore
pain, before something happens that you regret. I have
never loved anyone so much before that i'm afraid i won't
love the same if we end things on a bad note, like G#. The
worst feeling i think is not wanting to talk to the person
you love, b/c almost everytime you talk to them, you get
hurt and you realize that you will never be able to be with
them. Just remeber, actions speak louder than words, and
right now your actions are screaming. Also, I will always
love you Ms. Snow, aka tiffani. I hopefully will see you
later. Oh yeah, smoking is bad for you and you shouldn't do it, i'm
a hippocrite, i've started smoking tonight. I have only smoked in
the past in high stress enviroments or when i was upset.

Goodbye my readers. Please tell me what you think. I don't care,
tell me i'm an idiot or just say hey, whatever. This is me, signing