Digital Hippy

One Thing 'Bout Music When It Hits Y
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2002-11-20 02:38:04 (UTC)

my new life

Diary-
It's been about a month. I liked to think the reason
i wasn't writing was because my old diary barely applied
to my life anymore, but now i am convinced that the real
reason i wasn't writing was because i just don't have the
time i used to have.
So the past few weeks have been quite an experience.
Maurese and I are no longer talking, and to be completely
honest, i feel very warrented in my decision to not speak
to him. He has become very greedy and ignorant and he
expects too much from me. He doesn't appreciate what i do
for him and i am sick of it, so i put an end to it, and we
haven't hung out the past 2 weekends. Its kinda sad, but
im okay with it for the time being. I offered him a meal,
with the paramaters that it has to be around 5.50, and
miraculously he spent 8 bux on a salad. mine cost around
3 bucks tops. So yeah that was rude. Meghan and i took
him to cosi thinking that he had no money. Turns out we
bought him food, wtih him having money all along. We got
free comps to thriller (after i offered to pay for his
ticket if he could pay me back along with 1/2 the price of
jasons ticket). He felt as though HE got the comps, and
he decided to give it to jason, so he couldnt understand
why in my mind he owed me money. Call me crazy, but when
you are out somewehre and you win free tickets, you
generally take the person you are with out of general
respect and courtasy. I know i would have, but i am
fairly confident that i am nicer then about 99% of people
in the world.
Zwan, a band that stemmed off the Smashing Pumpkins,
is comming to town in the Y100 Feastival. I am going, but
i do not know how i feel wtih this, with the whole
smashing pumpkins thing. They represent such an era in my
life... such a passion, such a cry for help, and such
depression it almost makes me want to cry thinking about
it. They were my outlet for the expression of the pain I
felt from adolescence. Now i am through adolesence,
through the pain, and though i still know they will be
able to get me through the hard times, listening to them
too much just causes me pain... so yes i am going to see
zwan, but when asked to go to NYC to see them, i had to
decline.
The past few weekends Maurese free have actually
been quite enjoyable. Nobody to distract Jason and i feel
like i am finally getting to know him better and see him
more then anybody. I feel like he is completly
comfortable around me, and he understands me. He finally
got a job, and even though they are still losing the
house, he showed me that he can do it. Losing the house
is now Barry's fault based on the parameters of the
situation. I won't explain that online though.
This past Sunday was Jason and my 6 month
annaversary. We went along with Jeanie and Anthony and
Liam up to Pittsburgh for the happy hardcore party. It
was incredible. We started out kinda wondering what
modivated us to make such an enormous drive for such
little benefit, but as the night progressed, it became one
of the top ten parties i have ever been to. I would
actually rank it in the top five even. Anthony proposed
to Jeanie and i was asked to be the maid of honor. I was
very honored. Quite excited myself. It was Jason and my
annaversary, we were both rolling, Liam was tripping on
the acid we sold him, and Saga was there which was kewl to
see somebody from Philly in Pittsburgh. Long fucking
drive!!! Warchild was really kewl too. I met him online
and we talked a little bit, but meeting him in person just
tied everything together. We met tons of kewl people and
had such a blast. I really am gracious for the
opportunity to experience that. It was incredible.
Jason and my annaversary was definitly something memorible.
He got me glittery sparkle stuff, and i got him homies. We came
back from pittsburgh, showered, and then passed out in my dorm bed,
only to wake up a few hours later. From there we went to the SAC
and got some food, then drove up to reading and finished out the
evening. We watched Rush Hour 2, and the X-Files while eating ice
cream (we shared a pint... or some of it). It was cute. I don't
know what i would do without that boy. I really do love him. I am
so scared of that word and what it means, but i am not afraid to use
it. I know it is safe with him.
School has been going alright too. I have been
working with marq a lil bit to help him pay back his
parents and i managed to turn 50 bux into 100 fairly
quickly also. No complaints on that!!!
So that is what i have been up to lately. I am
rather bitchy from PMS, but that is to be expected. Shit
happens. get over it. I am off to take a shower.
~Lauren


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