DazedAndConfused

Just Another Dumb Blonde
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2001-08-19 05:57:43 (UTC)

what the hell am i doing?!

well hey to whoever is reading this i guess if anyone
even gives a fuck haha...well heres some shit that going on
in my life, and i feel kinda like an idiot doing this but
bear with me people!!! ANYWAYS....you know how people
always tell you "you dont know how lucky you really are?"
WELL ITS PISSING ME OFF. dude, i KNOW that my life isnt the
worst ever, but i do have problems!!!! just because other
people have problems too doesnt make mine go the fuck
away!!!! ok well now i know i sound so self centered and
bitchy but GOD i get so frusterated sometimes i just wanna
cry.... and thats why im writning this iguess cuz i cant
tell anyuone. you all out there reading this cant really
judge me... cuz you dont know who i am!!! HAHA im the
person you least suspect.
anyways, do you ever get the feeling when you are in a
really crowded place, like its so loud but in your head
youre in kind of a quiet place....and all u want to do is
just lay down and be ignored for a little while, make the
stares go away, the harsh words, just EVERYTHING. or
sometimes the feeling like when you have to be polite and
perfect and everyone is expecting you to be something that
YOU ARE NOT?? all you want to do is scream and shout and
run around and kick and punch and holler at the top of your
lungs WHAT THE FUCK!?... or maybe im the only one that
feels this way. but im sick of
it.
i hate being my moms litte "trophy" and i hate dealing with
my stepmoms fakeness and my dads drunkenness and dont get
me started on who my fucking mom is with. yeah shes a
fucking LESBIAN. yeah thats my home life, back and forth
from a lesbian couple and a drunk man with a physco
wife...then theres my SOCIAL life.
EVERYONE THINKS IM A SLLLLUUUUT!!!!! and I AM NOT!!! oh my
gosh i hate this. i know i am a good person. i know im not
a slut. i have had sex with ONE guy, my looonnng time
boyfriend i was in love with. i have given TWO guys head.
long time boyfriend and this guy i was very very drunk
with, but i LEARNED from that that people TALK SHIT. so
thats why i dont give head anymore!!!!!!! gosh!! then i
have fooled around with FOUR guys, long time boyfriend(1)
drunken one nite stand(2) rebound boyfriend(3) and this guy
that i met at a party that i think im falling in love with
right now(4). now i may be wrong, but for being 16, (not to
sound concieted) good looking, popular, living in a boring
town with nothing to do but party and have sex, i dont
think that those things make me a SLUT!!! gosh!!! and now
this guy i THOUGHT was my friend is telling people we
fooled around but we didnt and im sooo mad cuz im not
supposed to know that hes telling people?!?!?!? my friend
told me and i was like WHAT!? but because of stupid high
school drama i cant say anything, but of course everyone is
going to belive him. so im screwed. and now this guy im
head over heels with is going to find out, and hes gonna
hate mecuz he will think im lying, BUT IM
NOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTT!!!!
but like it matters anyways, hes going to college and im
stuck here in this gayass town. and i REALLY like him. and
he likes me baaaack!!!! i was my dumass self in front of
him and he STILL likes me!! and hes so wonderful... but hes
going away, and BETTER YET!! hes going to the same college
as my ex long time boyfriend!!! yayyyyy isnt that great.
can you sense the sarcasm?! I THINK SO!!! anyways, this is
wayyy long now, but no one got this far i bet soooo im just
talking to my self now i guesss....ummm the end then for
nowwwww...


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