my thoughts that no one knows
2002-11-20 00:42:10 (UTC)

welcome J, to my world

dear J,
you havent made my life any easier. if anythign youve
made it worse. ive got my own problems. i have family
problems,a nd money problems, and friend problems. the
last problem i need now, is you J. yes, thast true, to me,
youre just another problem. not J, not the person who used
to go out with B, your just a problem added to my list. no
im not anorexic. i acctually eat a lot. and guess what
J? i dont like C. hes one of my friends. we talk a lot,
but no, i would never go out with him. he isnt the kind of
guy i would ever want for a boyfriend. i want a romantic.
a guy who will bring me flowers on my birthday, and leave
me letters or valentines day. not a guy who barley talks
to me, and waz embarased to ask me out. J, you hurt tow of
my really good friends. and you are alwasy a jerk to me,
and K. i try to live happily. then you say another one of
your remarks, and it hurts me. its none of your freaken
buisness who likes me, or who i like. none of your
business what even goes on in my life. if i wanted you to
know, i would tell you. i wish you would never talk to me,
if i could, i would make you disapear, or put you on mute.
that would be ncie, wouldnt it? a remote control J? that
would be cool. i wish you would leave me alone with my
thoughts. if only i was a bird, i could fly away from my
problems, and be alone. or if i was a character in a
book. books always have happy endings. i want to be
carried away by my thoughts and dreams and never have to
come back to real life again. i guess things will get
better. i guess i should ignore you and all the other
disractions that bother me. A, K, S, and then theres you
J, the idiot who cant treat girls ncie. you have to be
cool in front of everyone, even if it means hurting the
other perosn. you have t be cool for people, even if its
just us two. what? do you really think im gonna say "o,
guess what! J said blah blah blah, sint that cool!" while
i have tears that one can see. *I am happy for all to see,
bu inside there are tears weeping away at my heart, that no
one will ever see* i just made that quote up for you J, to
see how much you bother me. last year i would go home
everyday and cry and cry and cry untill i couldnt cry any
more. i wanted to die, to hurt myslef any way i could, to
trnasfer school, to hate... all becasue of KM. she was,
to me, evil. i hated ehr right down to ehr ugly hairy,
skinny legs. its gross becuase her ankels are skinny, but
her stoamch pop out. she was takign K away from me, and i
ahted K for letting her. i can not write any mroe, i will
finish later about KM, bye 4 now

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