2001-08-19 00:16:52 (UTC)

Cloudy day

I'm sinking slowly,
with no one to hold me.

I woke up to rain running down my windows and dark skies.
Its one of those days that you just want to sleep
through... and I probably could've. I had been up til 1
talking on the phone to Dustin. He has such a sweet voice,
that reminds me alot of Johnny's. He made me promise that
I'd run over to his house so we could meet. And I promised.
I knew that if i put it off and made up excuses, that I
could lose him, like i lost kevin. I finally cleared up
outside, and I went running...
i got lost and walked all over, but finally I saw the house
with the two lions out in front of it. I was hoping that he
would be waiting out there for me.. but he wasn't. So i
just went up and rung the doorbell. This girl answered and
she went to wake him up. I waited for him, and after awhile
i just went up and knocked on his door. He had fallen back
to sleep and I felt really stupid when he didn't know who I
was at first... was I the girl he had seen before?.... We
went downstairs and talked with his brother and that girl.
I felt so out of place and so stupid the whole time... it
was so awkward. Finally he asked me when i had to be home
(??) and I had to leave then ne ways to be home on time...
but I left feeling so stupid. I'm glad I went, because i
kept my promise. He hasn't gotten online, so i figure he's
avoiding me... I'm pretty sure of it. And i guess, if thats
the way it is, that I'll be ok. I think I'll be alright.
I always am.
I lost like 3 lbs again... and I'm hopin to keep it off. I
am still really chubby... I think i have a problem. An
image problem. I dont take image into consideration when
its looking FOR people... but I am really hard on myself
about it... I'll be back tonight to add more prolly. Peace.