Cyn

My own wicked sins
2001-08-19 00:06:05 (UTC)

Random, useless thoughts

Well, its already 8:00pm, I had way too much stuff to do
today, and I didnt get shit done. I feel so tired all the
time, I dont know if its depression, or old age, or
sickness, or what. I have such high hopes and goals for my
days, but I end up lying down all weekend.... Terese's
birthday was the 16th, and she invited me to go to the
Comedy Castle tonight with her friends and family, and I
ignored her phone calls. She just tried to call like 6
times, and I didn't answer the phone. I feel horrible when
I do this crap, but it's better than putting on a smiling
lying mask, and facing the world. I feel like crawling up
inside a hole, and just sleeping forever. I dont have any
reason to feel that way, but I do. I wish it would stop.
I made my webpage today, and it looks real nice. Best work
I've done so far. It gives me a sense of accomplishment to
see the beauty that I can create, but it feels like a
farce.

Morbid thinking... Random thoughts of death and life, and
sadness. I see my fingers typing on my keyboard, the long
painted red nails, and it seems that they belong to someone
else. Someone feminine. Someone pretty. I feel so
unfeminine, so unpretty, so lost.

Maybe this diary will help.. Maybe .....