2001-08-18 23:44:34 (UTC)


So lonely inside,
So busy out there,
And all I want is,
for somebody to care.
Thats all I ever wanted... and probably all I'll ever hope
for. Because there is never a perfect person out there for
me, everytime I think that I've found them, something is
never right. Is it ever supposed to feel right? Or is it
always awkward, and am I just going to get used to it after
awhile....? I have opened up, and taken chances to love, I
am ready now... but is anyone else ready? I haven't found
them if they are... or maybe I have....
The nights not,
going to set,
On the feelings,
You dont let,
the others touch.
I used to hide myself, and make myself invisible to hide
what I was so I wouldn't get hurt... And I figured out that
this worked for me in many situations... I hid so people
wouldn't make fun of me, so they wouldn't hate me, and so
they wouldn't know me... When I've opened up, things have
always gone wrong.
Nothing can ever be like it was with Johnny. The fullest
feelings I have ever felt. And i'm afraid that I have
ruined any chance of feeling them again.
It was all just so magical though... and I could feel the
chemistry every second we were together... I loved him just
as much as he loved me, and from the second we met, we
knew... thats how it should be. We knew... It was both of
our first loves- and from the moment we met, It just felt
right, and everything felt so planned out. Like it was
fate.. and i got a quick glimpse into how it was going to
work out. But i lost sight of all that, or maybe I've just
lost sight of it all now... and maybe thats why I'm so
If it wasn't for Nick... I dont know what I would do...
I've made it through without Christian because he was here.
And I love him for it. so much.
We all say that this is all part of a big plan. But no one
really knows. And if you think you know, maybe you could
answer somethin for me... why do i always feel like I have
messed up, if i was supposively meant to be that way? I can
remember feeling in place and in time with the world... but
then I sometimes can feel my course gettin switched around
and my destiny changed because of my stupid mistakes... and
I wonder if i would've been happier... but wondering does
no good I guess~ because thats just time wasted in itself.

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