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2002-11-18 23:46:32 (UTC)

slow dancing on my babies shoes in the middle of the room with nothing but love

this weekend was one of the best ive ever had.

it was fucking amazing.

i am so in love.

and so very happy.

my tummy hurts. grease is not good. blah.
i feel like emily.

i have a meeting in about 2 hours. im not looking forward
to that.
i am sleepy.


its so very cool.

its blue. i like it. a whole whole whole whole lot lot lot

=) gee.

so in love.

um. yes.

uh huh.

so theyre voting on whether or not sexual orientation
should be included in equal opportunity laws in florida


weve come so far.

crazyness man.

i really hope it turns out for the best.

its all about the love man. =)

and trees. heh.


i danced on her shoes. =)

i danced with her.
in public.
with her FAMILY there.

i really am. touched.

i mean.

when i was younger.
the whole.
jennifer wouldnt dance with me. crying all night in
hallways and shit.
feeling completly and utterly unwelcomed and unloved.

but no. i mean.
it wasnt even like considered really.

pictures with her family.

dancing with the person i am so in love with.

and it wasnt even fucking. considered.

it didnt cross my mind at all until someone said something.
hers either.
like babies.
i mean.

i dont get it.

ive fought for so much and belived in shit for so long.
but i have never really realized i guess like hey
this applies to me.

you know.

i dont know.

ive just never.

been so in love.

why cant i make babies.
i love her.
i mean.
its about the love right.
sex is an expression or love.
and it brings babies.
why cant our love.
bring babies.

im never going to be able to look at a little girl or boy
and be like hey hey look this child is an expression of my

i guess i will be able to.

but i mean.

you know.

its like...her and i. pieces of us. put together. to make
someone else.

but i suppose. its more than that. its what you put into
the person. besides genetics. you know. its the other
stuff more so than anything.

i just wish sometimes.

that it didnt make me so sad.
to have such an awesome weekend.
and go to such an awesome wedding.
and be involved in such amazing activites.
the whole process. you know.
and know in the back of my mind.
that i will never really have that.
you know.
i know my family.
and i know how it will be.
its so strange.
i mean.
never in the whole wedding thing this weekend
was anyone like HEY HEY its so great that theyre a boy and
a girl.
it was more HEY HEY its so great that theyre so in love.
you know.
why is it such a big deal.
why is it such a problem.
if i dont even realize it half the time.
or consider it.
or think about it.
i love her.
she loves me.
its about the love man.
isnt it?
isnt that what its about?

so why the fuck.

cant I have a happy fucking little wedding with my family
and her family and have babies and fucking even hold her
hand without people looking at us like were fucking freaks.

its never really bothered me as much as this is bothering
me at this moment.

i never had a reason to think about this, or care about
this before.

and now im a bit pissed off.

anyone that knows us at all.
knows the kind of love we have.
you know.

i just dont understand this stupid society.

i dont understand how they justify hating love.
it just seems so much like a oxymoron to me.

then again.

i bet more than half of the population even comprehends
what love is.



im mad and stopping now.