Lements of Madness and Depression
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2001-08-18 11:24:58 (UTC)

alone its a term i know too well

well since last time you heard me rant i was talking about
the person i have such strong feelings for... we wont name
names here *Cough* Philicia *cough* but yeah... i have been
around her a lot more recently she has been sneaking out of
her house and coming over to hang out with me. sounds like
a great thing but im not sure. i love being with her i like
her just being around me but i keep remembering she's not
mine... it makes it worse is that she knows that i like her
she did before she started going out with my best friend...
man i feel akward typing right now shes asleep in my bed.
and i couldnt bear to wake her but i know i have too. god i
hate being stuck between a rock and i hard place...
my best friend is going to hurt her somehow and then i will
have to choose between them and i probly would choose her i
have clung too her so much that it would drive me insane if
he hurt her.them getting together was a fun ordeal for
me.they both asked for my permission to date. i told them
simply that i couldnt tell them what to do my opinion was
baiesd and they both knew that but whatever... she's
getting sick of him or at least she says... i hope i could
do something with her...but i doubt it i would probly not
think i was good enough for her and shit like that cause im
so self destructive. i wish i could find a calm in me so
this didnt bother me so fucking much. i wish billy (best
Friend)would move back to california. i wa very happy and
content when he was gone... i didnt have to deal with drama
i neve4r had to fight over phili everything was good no i
feel like shit 24 7 and its kinda his fault. i know he isnt
doing this to me on purpouse but this has happend before
with me and him.. there was a girl i liked and he knew it
and he was going for some other girl. well we all four hung
out at the park. we all kinda hung out and then jen the
girl i liked had to talk to billy about something so they
kinda went and hid well they came back and started acting
hella diferent.. it wa weird but i ignored it . well i
found out later on that they were making out it pissed me
off so much but i couldnt do anything about it so i bottled
it up and tried to ignore it well it didnt work. so i wa
pissed for about three months untill they broke up...
well anyways its time i wake the pretty one up... good