2001-08-18 06:05:35 (UTC)

getting to know myself

well here I sit and try to fiqure out where I'm going wrong
in life.. Lord knows this isn't what I expected When I
first me *joe* I thought to myself now here's a guy who
will give the world. We met 4 years ago this sept, I ended
up pregant 3 weeks later (using birth control) So we only
had one date before we became "parents" well had a baby on
fathers day june 21,98 6 pounds 14oz just perfect. And so
seemed my life I had a great man who never once questioned
if the baby was his (even though would have not blamed him)
and a perfect son then about a year later is when things
came crashing down on me.
He would start little fights
about sex how I never gave him enough and trust me he has
nothing to complain about it. I'm not the kind of person
who wants it every night and he dosen't get it for two days
and is threating me he'll find someone else, and temper oh
my I've never seen someone fly off the handle so easily
before granted he's never hit me but he has been know to
throw things.
Now here we are are thrid year together and
fighting a new battle "cocain" we have no money just about
to loes are house that we have put alot of work and money
into and just to give it away bills are always late never
know when there going to shut off the power or the gas I
hate hearing the simplest little knock at the door because
I fear something going to be shut off.
I at my roots end have
nowhere to turn to sure I have my friends but I always feel
like I'm sucking the life right out of them with my
I just started to be honest with myself just hear
lately I need to leave but how? where would I go? how the
hell would I be able to support my child and me ? well
going to go and will write more tomorrow.