Zacharael

Seraphic Decay
2002-11-18 07:44:18 (UTC)

Pain with my pleasure if you will...

Disgusting. I truly detest censorship in all its forms,
from speech, to literature, to simple restraints imposed
upon personal choices by society or law. Tonight I
attempted to educate myself about Marquise De Sade and the
Baron Masoch, but the web browser at work has a censor for
inappropriate material and so my quest for knowledge was
denied. Ah well, I will probably end up using some library
or other to either look it up online again, or simply
borrow the book(s).

Employment is a wretched as ever, except now Im more tired
than ever. Sleep deprivation combined with ten hour shifts
is wearing me down, but I suppose from here I can see the
proverbial "light at the end of the tunnel". Only three
more days of this before I have one off. Of course come the
twenty nineth, the eighty nine hours of paycheck will be
quite nice, but not nice enough to continue this madness as
I very much miss my wife and my leisure time. Eleven thirty
in the pm, and two people are supposed to be admitted to
the medical care unit from the ER. Wonderful, at the close
of my shift people start arriving. One person died today,
and I havent decided whether or not I really care or not,
or if I really want to decide on the matter. I think Ill
just drop it and count the thoughts spent as a waste of
time and effort.

Tomorrow is therapy day, which means I get even less sleep
than normal, but its the fourth session and the second that
my wife and I attend together. Its been two weeks since her
solo session, but it seems like a lot longer. I cant
discern whether or not this is really helping our marriage
that much or not, but if it is, then no amount of money is
too much. Maybe just the fact that we have an unbiased
third party to reflect on our issues and display to us that
they really arent so tremendous is what we have needed.

As it turns out, her old friend that we invited over turned
into a coke head since she last knew her. The evidence of
this was hidden from me by the "friend", as she acted
normal when I was around. My wife says that the friend is
afraid of me. Before I found out she was into cocaine, she
really had no reason to fear me, but now that I found out
she brought that shit into my house... well, Im just happy
my wife was intelligent enough to keep the hostility that
generally insues from cocaine use below simmering.

Well, here comes an input... hrmmm, another dead. Thats two people
today that I know about. This person died in the ER before their
transfer to the medical care unit. Well, I suppose thats a fairly
major aspect of the hospital, people come here to die. I suppose if I
can be this detached about it, then the mortician profession or even
forensic scientist is something I can handle. The time draws nigh for
me to return home.

Till later...
-Z