A Cavalier Looks At 27
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2002-11-18 03:01:15 (UTC)

November 17, 2002

I have so much to say and so few words to say it with. I
have had an absolutely awful week. I'm very worried about
my little sister. Her vitals have just been so high. She
told me the Dr. expects her to deliver very early. Now I
am far from an expert on the matter, but that sure doesn't
seem like a good thing to me. I know when I'm making
cookies I don't taje them out before they are done, so why
would taking her baby ou before it's done be good. Then I
have to worry about Grandpa. He is going to be staying in
the hospita for a while longer. I got home today and found
that out. Now we are trying to make the decision of home
or nursing home. Everybody keeps looking and trying to
save his money. I am the one person that seems to be
looking for what HE wants. He has said for years that he
and Grandma swore that they would never allow each other to
wind up in nursing homes. It doesn't seem very fair to me
that he did everything in his power to keep her out in the
10 years or so she was not healthy enough to manage herself
and now we just give up on him. If we put him in a home,
it will cost a little less than the care he is getting
now. But in the long run, he will run out of money either
way, so I guess what I don't understand is why can't he
stay as long as he can in his home? Are people in my
family that hungry for an inheritance??? Putting him in a
home will completely drain him. It was brought up to him
yesterday and he called for the nurse to bring him poison.
I just have such a problem thinking my family can be this
unfeeling for his feelings. The other option is to let the
woman that stays with him marry him. For some reason I
seem to be the lone dissenter on that one too. I have a
REALLY hard time stomaching a marriage of convinience. So
I am dealing with all of that this week. Last night I was
able to spend some time with Jenny finally. She was very
concerned because she knew that I was upset. She's great,
she really is. This morning I broke down again. She kept
asking if there was anything I needed. I just couldn't
tell her I needed her love. It has been so long since I've
felt her intimate touch. This morning when I was kissing
her she pulled away from me. How do I ask for so much more
when she didn't even want to be kissing? She still doesn't
know the big problem yet. I was going to ask for her help
but she has her interview for her internship that day.

On a side note....I took her to the Ani Difranco concert
last night. I don't think she had a super time, so I
dothink I might look for a little something more for
Christmas for her. But what I was going to say was that
the crowd and Ani do I say it. They didn't
piss me off, but I reall have to take issue. I have a real
problem when people pick and choose what is good about this
country and use it to make a living saying what is wrong
with this country. She was yelling last night that this is
not a true democracy. Well no shit. She would not want a
true democracy. A place where people with views like hers
would be even more burried. A place where zero welfare
could exist. A place where the death penalty WILL BE VOTED
INTO PLACE! A place where minorites cannot thrive. Human
nature cannot sustain a true democracy. Just as it cannot
sustain true socialism or communism. Freedom of speech and
freedom of the press. For both of those reasons, she was
allowed to perform last night. Yet for some reason she
attacks the media for utilizing the very same rational.
She "raises a toast" to countries who have and utilize the
deayh penalty much more often than we do, because it's
shocking. She talks of how much she is against the death
penalty. I guess, I just have a lot of issues with the
hypocracy in her performance. America is not perfect. I
understand that. I agree with that. However, it is, in my
opinion, the best damn thing going today.

Here, are my opinions, on a much lesser stage than she
chose to use

God bless the death penalty---Use it!
Eliminate hate crimes---Why is killing someone for being
homosexual or for being a minority worse than killing
someone for drugs or for sleeping with someone's wife?
They are all wrong!! Use the death penalty for them all!
Abortion is murder!
If you want to travel the world and tell how much better
the rest of the world treats you, then what the hell are
you still doing here?
Accep the unchangeable! Bush IS PRESIDENT until at least
2005. If you don't like it, change it then!

And even though nobody has read this far,

I think everyone should pitch in 1 dollar for me to go away
to a tropical island. I need to get away. I need to go
where it's warm. St. Somewhere is fine with me.