bineri

GLASS OF TEARS
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2001-08-17 23:31:34 (UTC)

LONELY

THIS WEEK HAS BEEN TOATAL CHAOS FOR ME MY HUSBAND WNATS TO
LEAVE ME AND ITS BREAKING MY HEART HOW CAN I PROOF TO HIM
THAT I'M TOTALLY SORRY ABOUT WHAT I DID ALL I WANT IS FOR
MY MARRIAGE TO WORK OUT I LOVE HIM SO MUCH AND I'VE
REALIZED THIS NOW MORE THAN EVER ITS NOT JUST A URGE TO BE
WITH HIM BUT I KNOW DOWN DEEP IN MY SOUL THAT I NEED HIM
AND WHICH TO BE THE BEST THAT I CAN BE FOR HIM NOT JUST FOR
HIM BUT FOR THE KIDS MY CHILDREN ARE ALSO BEING AFFECTED BY
THIS WHOLE SITUATION MY DOCTOR HAS PUT ME ON MEDICATION
WHICH I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD END UP DOING ,THINKING
CONSTANTLY OFF ENDING THE PAIN I HAVE TO PUT AN END SO
VEERYONE CAN GO ON WITH THEIR LIVES I FEEL AS IF NOTONE
SOUL CARES FOR WHAT HAPPENS TO ME OR IS HAPPENING TO ME I
FEEL LIKE THE WHOLE WORLD TURNED THEIR BACKS ON ME.I WANT
TO DO SO MANY THINGS,GET MY GED,GOTO SCHOOL TO GET A GOOD
EDUCATION ,I WANT MY HOUSE FOR MY FAMILY ITS AS THOUGH MY
DREAMS KEEP GOING FURTHER AND FURTHER AWAY.IS IT POSSIBLE
THAT I AM NO GOOD AS A WIFE OR A MOTHER???????SOTHATS WHY I
SAY TO MYSELF WHY KEEP LIVING IF I'M OFF NO USE TO ANYONE I
THOUGHT I WAS CHANGING BEING A GOOD MOTHER(FINALLY) BUT
THEN EVERYONE HAS SOMETHING TO SAY WHO CAN I COUNT ON WHO
CAN I TRULY GO TO AND SAY THIS THAT AND THAT WITHOUT BEING
HOLARD?????I KNOW ITS WRONG TO BE THE WAY I AM TO THINK
THOSE AWFUL THOUGHTS.BUT THEY ARE THERE I JUST KEEP TELLING
MYSELF THE PAIN WILL PASS AND EVERYTHING WILL BE BETTER.THE
THINGS MY HUSBAND SAID TO ME I WILL NEVER FORGET I JUST
CANT BUT THE THING IS THAT NO MATTER WHAT HE TELLS ME HOW
MUCH HE HUMILIATES ME I CAN NEVER STOP LOVING HIM HE IS MY
HUSBAND AND NO ONE CAN CHANGE THAT.NOW THIS GIRL HE KEEPS
IN TOUCH WITH I DONT KNOW WHATY HE HAS PROMISED HER BUT I
PRAY TO GOD THAT MY HUSBAND RETURNS TO ME THAT WE CAN
RESTART A RELATIONSHIP WITH NO LOOKING BACK IF ONLY I HADNT
ADDED ON TO WHAT I HAD TOLD HIM BUT I GOT SCARED AND SINCE
STILL WAS COVERING ME WITH WHAT I WAS DOING WELL I DONT
KNOW WHY BUT I PANICKED AND I WAS DOING THE SAME THING BUT
I REALLY DONT CARE ABOUT HIS SITUATION BECAUSE ITS LIKE HE
SAID SHE DESERVES IT FUNNY HTING IS THAT I JUST RECENTLY
FOUND OUT THAT MY FATHER IN LAW KNOWS THIS GIRL I GUESS
EVERYONE DOES ANYWAY THINGS HAVE HAPPENED HOW CAN I MAKE
ALL OF THIS BETTER I'M NOT TRYINGTO EXCUSE WHAT I DID BUT
THE SAME REASONS HE HAD TO DO IT WAS THE SAME ONE I HAD SO
ASK MYSELF HOW????WHY??????WHAT???????WHERE?????WHEN???????
I GUESS ONLY TIME AND GOD WILL TELL WHAT WILL HAPPENED WELL
I JUST HOPE THINGS GET BETTER AND I GET BETTER FOR ME AND
MY KIDS SAKE


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