HelloKitty

he hit me and it felt like a kiss

that fucking song pisses me off, what the fuck? ANyway

Today was a pretty insane day. well not really, but kinda.

SO I get up today and was wondering when JT was gonna call
so we can hang out and get stoned (sue me i like the weed)
but he called whilest I was cleaning my room, and since i
was blaring the Bouncing Souls I didnt notice, ah such is
life...I mean I lived ya know?

THen I talked to my mom and basically told her how my back
was feeling...basically sooooo good is how its
feeling...while i was talking to her matt walked by and
waved, kinda shocked me, but it was nice, and get this, I
WAS NOT ALL SAPPY LOVEY JENN TOWARDS MATT FEELING!!! I was
just like "cool" so i waved back.

Then my neighbors were having a party tonight and that was
insane, cops got called it was loud and as usual with those
boys, slutty skanky ho's...i wrote a poem about slutty ho's
before, but they are the ho's that live in my building and
probably wear halter tops in mid winter. thats how sluttty
ho like they are.

THen went to fuel and fuddle with heather...i am just gonna
rent out a piece of fuel and fuddle i basically live
there. Like I dont get carded or anything there, i dont
even get charge if i get soda or anything...im officially a
regular there...its like cheers where everyone knows your
name and the such. I got Heather addicted to photo hunt
and yes she uttered the fateful words "FUCK YOU PHOTOHUNT"
so hahah someone else is addicted...i also saw pearlann,
Mike, Ryan and AMy there so that was pretty cool...im
trying to get heather to be friends with those guys cause
she'd fit right in, ya know, trying to bridge my
friendships...im nice like that.

Then after fuel and fuddle went back to heathers and
watched sixteen candles...my future husband john cusack was
in it so its just a great movie. But this guy who was at
the party next door came up and talked to me, oh but not
just a random stranger he used to date my friend Lara but
didnt recognize me so I played dumb, and laughed when i
wnet inside to Heahters...its kinda flattering that a guy
who dated lara hit on me, lara is like hollywood perfect
and I so dont consider myself that...like she is little and
thin, and im tall and built...like if it were the 50s id be
macking the men cause of how im built but NO NOT IN WAIF
OBSESSED AMERICA that kinda pisses me off too. Also while
we were at Heathers we saw many dramas happening, 3 drug
deals, numerous cop cars, and a fight outside. SUch is
life when living in the city, especially the college part
of town.

Im also pissed off that kristin didnt call me back she
leaves to go home tomorrow for a few days and I did want to
see her before she left, but such is life.

Also dear readers I need advice, like okay so i left my
away message up on aol im today and like matt messaged me
twice to say hi at different times, so i wrote him. Am I
dumb? LIke right now I seriously think I can be decent
friends with him. I got my anger out, I went on dates, i
messed around with a few guys so I do feel back to my old
Jenn self, in the fact that my insecurity about anyoen ever
falling in love with me is gone...and that I do actually
attract men...if you ever been in love and have your heart
broken you dont think you can ever be loved or liked even
by others...so hopefully you know where im coming from, I
wasnt being a big ho or anything I just needed
reassurance. And like if I had to deal I could see
myselfnot being psychotic if I saw Matt with another girl,
sure id be a little upset because I loved him and all that
jazz. but i wouldnt be like psychotic. So im just
wondering if emailing him was alright you know? Like in my
email i said we can hang out if he wants to but if he
doesnt want to then we dont have to. I dont know, I mean i
have no urge to get him back whatsoever, i mean it sucks
being lonely but we arent together for a reason and I know
if we loved eachother as much as we said we did we would
have never broken up. Im realistic you know? So what the
fuck should I do?