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dbnsfg
2002-11-16 15:10:39 (UTC)

Hmphagenessage...

i like.. uhm.. dont wanna be alive anymore.. i know its
pointless talking about it because no one really cares and
that i'm only going to get shit from everyone about how im
selfish and suicidal andthat theyve had worse problems than
me.. well like.. whatever.. i dont care.. i just want out..
i dont wanna be around to suffer over my feelings.. i cant
help that i got jealous, people do that more often than
everyone seems to think.. im getting shit from nick atm
(jpy).. hes ROFL'n at me because i love si..


jpy8627: i love u
x Enissophobic x: :
x Enissophobic x: i love si.. point?
jpy8627: rofl
jpy8627: a screen name?
x Enissophobic x: no.. the person behind it
jpy8627: nah i cant diss you
jpy8627: steph came off here
jpy8627: but
jpy8627: rubens
x Enissophobic x: :
jpy8627: si hates you anyway
x Enissophobic x: nah.. we fell out tis all
x Enissophobic x: it'll be fine in a while


maybe it wont be fine.. cant really do anything about it if
its not, can i ?

he messaged me on yahoo.. aim crashed so like yeah.. i dont
know what to do about he and i.. i mean, i love him.. i
love him more than life itself.. he's the only person i
care about, at all.. and i got worked up over something
silly, and i didnt mean to.. she just REALLY pisses me
off.. i know they're just friends.. i do trust him.. its
her i dont trust.. she always asks if he and i are together
yet, tells me that they're meeting soon, that she lives
close to him, when she's gonna go call him.. it gets on my
nerves.. so i started on her.. and she no doubt went crying
to si.. saying that im a mean bitch, that i turned on her..
boo hoo.. lets all cry for her.. see, no one knows shit
about me.. i know everyone says it at some point.. but
theres a LOT to me.. and no one knows any of it.. si knows
bits n pieces.. not just physical or mental shit.. but
things about me, who i am, not what i am..

i havnt eaten since yesterday lunch time.. which was more
like yesterday @ 10am.. 30ish hours ago.. and im feeling it
now.. before, when i didnt eat, i couldnt, i got sick if i
did.. now i cant stop eating.. if i dont eat every other
hour, i get all weird.. im weird anyway.. its funny..

becca tells me that im funny, when im not being a freak..
but that im not a freak, just weird.. weird? "hi, im nattz,
im weird" :/

i dunno if stuff with si's gonne be okay.. he has every
right to hate me.. i started on one of his friends.. so
like, whatever.. i cant stop him from totally shutting me
out..

i dunno what i'll do if it goes like that, if he decides im
some fked up whorebag like i keep TRYING to tell people..
might stop coming online.. sit infront of the tv all day
instead.. much easier :) no hassle from people who think
they know me and such.. or i could just go and smother
myself with my half chewed up pillow.. i chew the
pillowcase, shh..

anyway..

bye




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