~*Why Does It Hurt So Bad?*~
2001-08-17 01:32:13 (UTC)

All's Well In Love And War, I Suppose (Pt.2) to continue the saga...

I call him and were talkin like old times. hes tellin me
about his mom, his sister, and everything in his typical
life. dont get me wrong, i love it, but hes denying
everything. so i ask him flat out: "why were u so mad at
me that u couldnt talk to me?" he took a deep breath. he
launches into the whole story, starting with that wednesday
nite. Basically, he was upset bc he got offa work an hour
early to go to that party with me, but then I bailed on
HIM. hrm...never thought of it that way. so he goes on
saying that im only 16 and that i dont understand what hes
tryin to do. i said, "excuse me...i may not be able to
relate to what ure doing, but i understand it. ure 20
years old and u have 2 jobs, u r supporting yerself in an
appartment, trying to buy a car, and trying to get ure mom
over here from argentina. i understand, and i am SO proud
of u for being so determined of what ure trying to do." i
was bawling like a lil kid. lol I asked him flat out: "do
u love me?" and he said "yes, with all of my heart,
but..." theres always a "but". damn the buts. the only
other thing that he said that was relatively important was
the he thought that my friends were more important than he
was. now, i know that they should be bc friends are there
when u break up with a boyfriend, but theyre not. hes more
important. he is (was) number one in my life, and would
still continue to be IF we ever got back together. he was
walking to McDz, then when he got there, he asked me if i
was working, and i said that i was. he said that we could
talk tomorrow about this, face to face. I couldnt wait
that long. i got in the car and went to McDz anyway. when
i got there, he was in the crew room. he didnt see me, so
i cleared my throat. he looked up. ive never seen the
look that he gave me. it was a happy-sad look. his eyes
lit up, while his face fell. the instant i saw him, i
burst into tears. i walked over to him and just hugged
him. it was the worst feeling i had ever had, even worse
than i had had when marilou had died. that i couldnt stop
or talk my way out of it, but this i could. it wouldnt
work, of course, but it was the same thing. so basically
for the rest of the night was crying, hugging, holding,
wiping away tears, ect. i could even tell that he was
trying to not cry. his face was red and his eyes were
blood shot. how can he be doing this to himself? to me?
so he kept begging and pleading me to be his friend untill
he thought about everything. but i dont know how long it
will be. at one point i said that i couldnt, and his head
dropped. but then i said that i could. when we left, we
were standing outside. i was just hugging him, tryin so
gawddamn hard not to cry. i was just holding him, and i
didnt want to let go. i knew that once i did, id never get
him back. id never again get that chance. whe we parted,
we were still wrapped i each others arms, and his face was
just inches from mine.. i wanted him to kiss me SO BAD. i
had never wanted anything as much as i wanted that. i said
to him through tears, "i will always love u. ill be here
for u." he said. "i know" and he left.

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