headtension

Relives Headtension
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2002-11-16 01:29:04 (UTC)

The Big FUZZ

I can rember bits and pieces of the new house.. for some
reason its a big fuzz.. i seem to rember more from the
older house than the new one.. not to say i didn;t have
goodtimes at this house.. but the bad memories have seemed
to block out the goodones... there alot of stories to be
told.. when you are a child you are blind to your parents
trouble untill it gets out of hand.. and my parents where
fighting all the time..... i just played with my cousins
and ignoried the battlings... the first holloween i had
inthe house i can remeber the very outfit wore.. i will
never forget it.. i was ferry and my grandmother gave me
hand me down tootoo that was suppose to go to lamb
costume.. so i thad a lamb tail in the back.. my mom made
me wand with glitter and hangers and i thought i was so
beautiful.. we went to my grandmothers house that night and
went trick or treating in her neighborhood... i don't
remember much about that nite at my grandmothers..but that my uncle
was hanging around me alot.. that nite he asked if wanted me to
spend the nite with him and my aunt. My mom was gonna say no but
some reason she said yes... they took me out to dinner and then it
was off to bed with me.. some time during the nite i woke up with my
uncle in bed with me.. he was touching around and fooling around in
places that little girls shoudl not even know about. i wanted to run
away i wanted to scream at him to stop but i was silent.. then my
aunt walked into the room.. she told him to get out of the bed with
me. he stayed there she kept coming back he kept telling met to
shush... i finally had the nreve to run to my aunt and ask her if i
could sleep with her.. she said yes and ran to her bad.. he followed
and slept on the other side of her. i don't think i slept a wink
that nite.. i just waited till my mom got here to pick me up...i was
so ashamed and i just wanted to leave.. lucklky she was there early.
My mom is a person who times has no control.. she is late to
EVERYTHING.. this is the one and only time in my life that i remeber
my mom beinging early... she brought me to my other aunts house
which was the biggest escape from that nightmare... after that i
don't remebr much...

My mother knew something was wrong and she asked me if something was
wrong many a times.. i coudl not tell her.. how could i disapoint
her. i became alone reclused fromt eh life i use o know.. i could
barly bring myself to play with my cousins.. as this was going on my
parents fighting had elvated to violence.. my fathers drinking
problem woudl bring him to point of choking my mother. we use to
hear them in teh middle of the nite.. anthor aunt of mine was in the
process of gettign a divorce with her husband and moved in with
us... my mothers family was cholic and did not take kindly to fact
that my aunt was getting a divorce.. but they forgave her.. she
stayed with us while the fighting was going on...

my parents were getting a divorce.. i knew it for a long time..
there was no reason to fight it... I in fact was looking forward to
it.. all the fighting would stop and althought this was selfish i
wanted my mother all to my self... before they finally decided get a
divorce though they decided to go on vacation to see if they could
work things out... they sent me and my sister to stay with my aunt
and uncle.. ( yes the same oen that molested me).. i could never
sleep.. i kept seeing shadows and thought my uncle was coming into
the room... he never came...my sister abnd i were sleeping in the
same room.. a place on the floor was made for one of us to sleep and
the couch was made up for te other one.. i had the couch.. i keep
asking my sister if i could sleep with her... she kept saying no...
i begged her.. she finally said yes and as i got on the floor with
her she hopped up on the couch....i felt more vunerable onthe floor
than i did teh couch......


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