Relives Headtension
2002-11-16 01:12:07 (UTC)

Life starts somewhere

Some of my earliest childhood memories are located in a
small house in san antonio..i look at these days as my last
as a innocent child... at this House i shared a room with
my sister and my brother has his own room... i remeber the
house being hugh.. the back yard was enormous..i drove by
there a few years back and the house was infact very
small.. (werid how you remeber things) ofcourse i only
stayed there till i was four or five. But i do remeber the
day my older sister told me that the word bitch wasn't a
bad word.. i had to be about 3 or 4... but i knew that had
been a bad word and when she said it wasn't i new i had to
try it out... she had told me it ment female dog ( i didn't
even know that female ment girl) so i walked up staright to
my father and called him a bitch... Now my dad would never
do anything to hurt me but hes a big guy and the fact that
he could was scary enough.. and the look he gave me was....
well.... pretty damn scary... i just blurted out that my
sister had told me it wasn't a bad word, and he shook his
head and said something that is fuzz in my brain now.

I can only remeber some of the things that when on that
house.. but one of the things that will stand out in my
mind is proll yone of the worst things.. I have never
uttered a word of this to anyone. Maybe people knew...
maybe they didn't.. but i will never ever tell anyone about
what i am going to write. Its not that i'm ashamed.. but
just that i would feel like i was bring up old bones... its
something that i could keep a secret forever... and before
i typed it down in this diary i have never let leave my
head before. i was about 4 or fives years old and we had a
neighbor next door... he use to come over and play with me
and my sibling. he was about 6 or 7 years old... ohh hell
maybe older but he was the first friend i remeber having.
We use to play all sorts of games but one day he said he
saw his parents french kissing and asked me if i knew what
that was.. i said no and he stuck his toungue in my mouth
and spit.. I was a little girl i had no idea what he was
doing but in my mind i knew it was somoehow bad... he would
come over and try that for a while and then one day he said
that adults do something called fucking.. he took off my
pants and out his penis on my vagina.. he didn't go in..
just layed it on top.. i had never even heard the word
fucking untill he had said it.. i had no idea what this guy
was doing was wrong.. but i knew i should never tell.. and
i didn't....

I'm sure life when on and this could of not gone any longer
than half a year but the last thing i can remeber was
riding in the car with my parents i was sitting behind my
move and i heard my mom say the word "move" and in my head
that instant i relised i could move... so i poped up out of
the seat and said hey mom i wanna move.. ( i had to of been
4 or 5 ) and she said OK we'll move... and we did 2 months
later.. I always thought that we moved becuase i wanted
too.. i mean for a long time.. ( you wouldn't belive stuff
that gets stuck in a persons mind when they don't take the
time to analyse the obiousios) my parents built a
beautiful house in the country and there we all went.. to
have our new lifes...

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