So last night, I went out with a friend. Toward the end of
the night we got invited to this guy’s house for a little
after-hours get together (usually a bunch of tweaked
wired drunks grinding their jaws and rambling on about
nothing until sunrise). I wasn’t fucked up, in fact, I don’t
even drink. I just wasn’t ready to go home – so I agreed
When we pulled up to the place, I saw Alex’s Audi. Alex
is this ultra-fabulous real estate queen. He’s one of
those A-list homos that drives the right car, wears the
right clothes, and knows all the right people. He fancies
himself as a young, Portugese Leona Helmsley.
"Great, this should be fun," I thought. I mean this kid
REALLY has the personality of a pap smear.
Anywho, I made my way through the room, stopping/
chatting with random bar acquaintances. No sign of
Alex...relief, I really despise this individual.
A few cranberry and club sodas later, it was time to
break the seal. I made my way to the bathroom. I
thought I heard someone in there, but when I knocked
no one said anything. Fuck it, I’m going in.
There was Alex – tweaked out of his mind – on his
knees in the bathtub. No pants, socks, underwear…a
soaked, somewhat tattered white t-shirt clinging to his
wet torso AND three guys standing around him with
their dicks out.
"Who’s the urinal?" he begged as each guy started to
piss on his head, in his face, and even in his mouth.
"Who’s the urinal? Who’s the urinal?"
Oh my. I’m sooo not ready.
Mood: Still traumatized
Music: Bjork The Birthday Song
(it takes me to my happy place)