Aug 16, 2001
It seems like once a month I have one or two days in a row
where I am really emotional. Tonight is one of those nights.
Its funny how I can clearly remember each night I have felt
like this. I feel so sad and anxious. There is a rumbling
in my stomach that wont go away. Just a gut feeling of some
sort. I cry for no particular reason... it just happens. I
dont know what it up with me. I was hoping my bud Nauht would
be online but he's not. I used to talk to him on ICQ when I
was feeling bad but he doesnt use it as much anymore. Can
somebody just be sad for no reason? Cry for no reason? It
doesnt make sense. When a person feels bad, there has to be
a reason. Whats mine? I dont think its PMS *laugh*.
Nothing bad happened today. Im not under much stress at the
moment... I just dont know.
Work has been overwhelming lately. There is so much Im
expected to do.. and I just dont want to put in that many
hours. Thank god Im almost finished the stupid invoices!
I didnt go riding tonight because I just didnt feel like it.
I dont feel like doing anything! Im getting trapped in a
deep depression again I think. Or maybe its just another
phase. Will probably pass by tomorrow.
Its thursday, why isnt Josh at his cottage? He usually has
friends over on Thurs. Who am I kidding? I love him to
pieces (it was hard to say!). I like Darrell too. And John
and Brian. Hell, Id even go out with Justin. He was my
number one love match afterall. But Im not going to become a
desperate love sick teen. I have standards... well,
obviously, cuz I wont go out with Brad! I was thinking about
asking Brad to the formal next year.. I dunno though. Would
that be using him? Y'know, saying I dont want to go out with
you but I want to do to formal with you? the only reason Im
thinking Brad is because I probably wont have another date.
We'll see. Id go with Rob but.. Id LOVE to go with
Darrell... would he come with me if I asked him? Hes going
to be in college next year... Oh, Id love him so much if he
came with me!!!! But who am I kidding, hes not going to!