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Another late one
Why can't I go to bed earlier? Maybe my writing skills
would be better developed if I didn't write all my entries
in a state of exhaustion that could be legally declared
I decided something today. The Bloodhound Gang is the best
band ever. EVER. The music is great, but that's not why I
made this statement. I think they're the best because of
the lyrics. Every single song is chalk full of witty
metaphors, similes, and puns. If their music was the worst
thing I ever heard, I'd still like their songs because of
the pure genious of the lyrics. And the best part is, they
aren't popular! So now I can enjoy music AND pretend like
they're real underground and shit. I used to do that. I
used to listen to music I hated because nobody else had
heard of it. I thought there was nothing like the euphoric
feeling you get when someone asks you "what are you
listening to? I've never heard that before", and you turn
around smugly and tell them. This all reminds me of this T-
shirt that I want. It says "I listened to N'Sync when they
were underground." Another shirt I want has a big pot leaf
on it, and it says "I helped fund international terrorism".
Of course, that may be considered insensitive, and I'm sure
many of you are gasping in horror right now.
This brings me to item number two: internet porn movies. I
have Grokster. It's basically like Morpheus and Kazaa,
except it's about ten times better right now. Anyways, it's
pretty much always running in the background of my
computer, and it's pretty much always downloading porn.
Yes, I can safely say that I have a constant flow of porn
onto my computer. Anyways, back to my beef: I usually
download about 7 movies at a time or so, and then I watch
them during the commercial breaks of whatever TV show I
happen to be watching. It's a good routine, because most of
them are around 2 minutes long. So today I'm
watching "Scrubs", and the first commercial break comes
around. I open up my porn folder, and pick the first one in
the list. 15 minutes long. 15 FUCKING MINUTES LONG. What
the fuck am I going to do with 15 minutes of porn? I'm
never going to watch all of it, and I have to delete it by
the end of the night. Whatever, I go to the next one. 10
minutes long. I go through the list, noting exceptional
appearances by 28 and 45 minute films. 9 different pornos
sitting on my desktop, and not one of them is less than 10
minutes long. I like porn as much as the next guy,
obviously, but not if I can't watch any of them. I mean, I
could watch 2 minutes of each one, but all you get in the
first two minutes is generally a blow job. I don't know
about you, but I don't watch porn movies for the blow jobs.
So I end up deleting somewhere around 2 hours of porn. What
a huge waste. I could have made 60 different good pornos
out of those 9.
I just realized something. The majority of the people on
here are girls. Well, maybe not majority, but the amount of
them is shocking compared to the rest of the internet. The
thing I just realized is that I don't think girls
appreciate reading about my porn collection very much. Any
girl that is still reading this: You're sick.