BlondeLobotomy

.inside.my.head.
2002-11-14 21:54:58 (UTC)

Why so complicated?

You know, it’s weird, because I have so many loving
friends, but yet I feel so alone. It’s just because I
don’t let my guard down, I don’t let people really
experience me. I mean, I do but not as much as I would
like. I just get so scared to open myself up…I guess it’s
just a fear of rejection. I don’t know. Like, I’m real, I
just don’t tell the whole story. I just like being the
exterior Lauren. The one that has all the fun. Because
there is no point in dwelling on the bad stuff right? I
wish I could just come to terms with the way I am. I just
always feel just a hint off base, like I’m always
contradicting myself. It's just hard because I love life
so much it’s hard for me to slow down and actually think
about how stuff really is. Like, I don’t pay enough
attention until it’s too late and everything just becomes
overwhelming. I have the worst fear of growing up. Seriously,
it pisses me off so much to think about how our whole lives are
built around making enough money to live, working until we die
and it just causes so many problems. So stupid. Damn, there has got
to be a better way. Oh well. Maybe I’ll make a difference some
how. Make things a little bit easier for the generation
after mine. I can only hope.




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