Krazy Kat

My Psychotic Ramblings
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2002-11-14 17:41:04 (UTC)

Little Anorexic Lady Stayci...No More Amphetamines-Dammit, But I'm Goin' Load up on Serzone To-Nyte & Just Hope For A Little Sleep & No More Ticin'

Man, I had a list of stuff I've been wanting/needing to
write about about, but I cannot currently find that little
fricken pink piece of paper. Oh well, I'll just write
about what is on my mind at the moment.

So, I just got back from the shrink's. I think it, as I
sat there, that I heard my world come crashing down. Well,
I told him I haven't been taking the antidepressants
anymore. BLAH. So then he blames everything on that
matter. I told him the antidepressants or the antipsycho
meds...one or the other or both, had caused me to have a
drug-induced tic disorder (so I did NOT have Tourette's).
But things are cool now, now that I'm off those meds. I
still have some tics, but it's not nearly as bad as it
was. The list below is tics I have had or do have, but
don't always have, or don't currently have.

My "Simple" Motor Tics:
1. Eye blinking (blinking hard, or blink quickly)
2. Squinting
3. Neck/head jerking
4. Shoulder shrugging
5. Leg jerking
6. Tensing muscles
7. Finger movements (tapping index finger 3x over and over
again.

My "Complex" Motor Tics:
1. Grooming behaviors (smoothing hair/picking at skin until
smooth)
2. Smelling hands or objects (I always smell my hands
before & after washing them, and I smell rags, towels,
clothes, blankies, ect., before I use them)
3. Touching self, other people or things (ACK I HATE those
days when I'm in the store for HOURS because I HAVE to
touch everything)
4. Squatting (sometymes I just CAN'T sit in the FREAKING
chair and smoke, I gotta be down and squatting)
5. Hitting self or others (just myself, actually)
6. Biting (I bite my fingers, the insides of my mouth, my
wrists, & my arms)
7. Echopraxia [imitating other's actions] (eeeh, I'm just
an impressionable lady)
8. Opropraxia [obscene gestures] (What, like flipping
people off? They shouldn'ta stepped on that little ant or
poor helpless leaf or whatever...? YOU KNOW they need more
than a finger...
9. Self-injurious behaviors (picking scabs, mouth biting,
hitting self, banging head on walls)

My "Simple" Vocal Tics
1. Throat clearing (I do this A LOT)
2. Sniffing
3. Tongue clicking (and tongue thrusting)
4. Humming
5. Whistling (I start whistling at odd tymes during the
day, and it happens about 3 tymes a day)
6. Stammering/stuttering
7. Moaning (don't think nasty thoughts, it happens mostly
when I'm too tired to talk, so I will answer questions with
moaning)

My "Complex" Vocal Tics
1. Repeating words or phrases ("Shit ole Mighty" "I DON'T
KNOW," "I'm stupid." "Kill me." "Stop it.")
2. Coprolalia - using obscene or other socially
inappropriate words (Oh, yeah, I have a habit of using
obscene language in crowded areas.)
3. Paprilalia - repeating one's own words or sounds (I just
get "stuck," so leave me alone about it.)
4. Echolalia - repeating the last sound, word, or phrase
spoken by another person. (I do this, but it's not always
the LAST word, it's the word or words that strike me. I
have to repeat them.)

Well, now you know my tics. Bored you to death, eh?

So, anyway, seeing the shrink was really upsetting. I
actually CRIED...and I'm not one to cry, not at all. We
were talking about weight, and how much I should be
weighing. Those numbers were HIGH, and they scared me,
they made me cry I was so damn scared. He said 89 wasn't a
magykal number. Oh, but it IS. I don't want to be argued
with on this matter, either. It's magykal. IT IS IT
IS...I KNOW it...That's final.

I asked him at what point I'll be put in the hospital. He
said, it differs, sometymes when you lose 20% of your body
weight, which you have... And he went on to something
else. Didn't even tell me when I had it comin'.

And you know, all I wanted was my Adderall upped. That's
all I cared about when I went in there. I just wanted to
be able to concentrate better and finish more things that I
start. Instead of increasing my amphetamines, he TOOK ME
OFF THEM Ugh. Just kill me already. Life without
Adderall?? I can't see it working out. I don't know what
I'll do.

He put me on Serzone, though... EEww, wow, great switch
off Thumbs up. Serzone is an antidepressant, but not an
S/SRI, I don't think. It should help with my sleep, and
stuff...It doesn't have those awful sexual side effects
that S/SRI's have like not being able to reach an orgasm and
stuff. And it doesn't cause a weight gain. Those were the
two things I cared about in the antidepressant I was going
to end up taking, and they both worked out my way. YAY

Welp, I need to go clean up my room. It's an awful mess
right now. I'll try to write more often. I'll definitely
write on the day that I find that little list of things I
wanted to write about in my journal.

X Marks The Spot


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