Sometimes, I just don't feel like telling anyone how I
feel. I don't feel like going through all the trouble.
There is just so much. I don't even tell my best friend
what is going on because so much goes on I don't feel like
going through it all again. I'm not the type to right away
call her best friend & tell her "Oh my gosh! You'll never
guess what happened!" I'm just not into that. But sometimes
it just builds up. It chokes me. It's so tight, like a huge
lump in my throat. I can't breath. Like I'm being hung.
It's so much. If I even thought about crying, it would be
this uncontrolling crying. It's so heavy on me. I feel like
I'm drowning myself with my own words, thoughts & feelings.
I feel so lost in them. I can't breath. I can't see. I'm
numb with this overwhelming feeling of mixed emotions.
Which by the way reminds me of this song I tried to write
at camp. I needed coffee & had mixed emotions. Which might
be a good song if I knew what to write. But I feel my words
have no meaning. Like if I'm blabbering on & on & on & on!
Do you get me? Well what do you care anyway? I'm just some
young & naive 14 year old girl who doesn't know any better
& should be in love with NSYNC or BACKSTREETBOYS. But no, I
have feelings. I do know better. Just becasue I'm Love's
Lost Child doesn't mean I'm lost in life. I know what's out
there. I know what's going on. I'm not blind & I watch the
news. I know. In my head I feel like I'm 16 or older. I
have been through so much so soon. I feel like my teen
years have been taken away. Which odly I don't mind. People
say these are the best years of your life, well I want then
to be over with. I want to settle down. I'm tired of this
wild life. I'm tired of living by the second. Yeah I do
want to have fun, but everytime I go out it turns into some
sort of adventure. I just want to sit down & cuddle with
the one I love. Relax. One of my nick names is House Wife
because I love to take care of the people I love & care
about. I mean who doesn't? But I worry about them. Some
people I just care too much about to let anything happen to
them. You know who you are. Well anyway, I don't
have "Virgin eyes" I don't mean that literally but, aaahhh,
nevermind. I know what's up. I may be young, but I just
don't know how people can treat people that way they do or
think of them the way they do because of how many years
they have been alive. Don't get me wrong, I still love to
go on my adventures, but I want something or someone to go
with & then come back home to cuddle with. To hold & just
to love. Do you all know what I mean? I'm not just 14!!!!
Please people, get it! I have personality. I have my own
life. I have my own mind. Just quit seeing me as a 14 year
old girl. I'm nothing like one. I don't mean this
personally to anyone, but I'm tired of older people turning
away because of my age. I think age should be based on your
mind & maturity levels. Well I better end this before I
bore you anymore. Good-nite.
-Love's Lost Child (Christina)
P.S. & don't take into
consideration I like
Pokemon. That has nothing
to do with age! Thank you!
P.S.S. Another thing I hate is when you drink alot of
something & you wonder why you haven't gone pee in hours,
then suddenly, BANG! It hits you & you have to go soooooo
bad it can't wait another second. Like it builds up waiting
for it all togather together & then, ATTACK!!!