Descent Into Geekdom
2001-08-16 02:46:49 (UTC)

Big Debut...Or Not

Yes, I think this was a good idea. I just hope this one turns out a bit more helpful to me than the other one of these in existence. The other one, because it was being read by some really arrogant, annoying, downright sucky people, is beginning to get on my nerves. So I suppose I'll be running two diaries from now on...this one, for actualy important use, and the other, for friends to read and say, 'Gee Heather, you're cool!' Problem is, I'm just a female Weezer nerd seeking a male Weezer nerd to hang with and talk to. I'm also a manic depressant sometimes, so that adds to the fun of everything.

All of my friends think I'm the cool one of the group. But the truth is, in my little typical group of about 8, I give a damn about...2 of them. Andrew and Lori. I have a 'best friend', as she named herself, but she is my polar opposite. She's struggling through life trying to be part of the 'in crowd', while I'd just rather play guitar and write all day. Lori is my soulmate...always has been, ever since I met her. Andrew means a lot to me to. We have a close friendship that could potentilly be something more, if I would allow for it, and if there weren't certain obstacles in the way (at least in my mind.) A lot of the people I hang out with are just there for my amusement, because I have nothing better to do than to chat about nothingness and my blooming 'geek rocker status' at school anyway. I suppose only Andrew really understands what it means to not care about popularity. Andrew is the only one who gets the phrase that says, 'I'll bring home the turkey if you bring home the bacon', too.

I guess I really don't show my whole self to anybody. I always put up an emotional wall that has never been torn down, and the closest person to that has been Andrew. And hell, I thought about kissing him that night, too, but I really don't feel like talking about that temporary moment of insanity right now. I do keep up a lot of emotional barriers, and hide myself away from a lot of people. I have a weak point, and that is the fact that I lack a strong father figure in my life. I have a particular liking for my male teachers, and also for a particular uncle of mine, because they are the male figures in my life. But there is no father...and that is another story for another day, during which I'll probably break down. There are some stories I just don't like to tell...that one is one of them. I have told it, in entirety, exactly once. And that will be it until I meet the person I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. Honest to God on that one.

What else should go in here right now, exactly, when I'm supposed to be sleeping, and my family thinks I am? Oh yeah...i like Weezer. A lot. I talk about them a lot. They are my inspiration. So get used to it. -Heather