Head ache
2001-08-15 23:20:08 (UTC)


Today was good, except for the fact that I managed to get a
slight sunburn. Screw 15 sunblock, I guess I need to go
back to 30. I must be Irish.
Eh, I knew I shouldn't have even gotten a tiny bit anxious
about my dad fixing the brakes on my car. He is such an
asshole, he's all drunk and shit right now, stumbling
around the house, and its not even dark out yet. He is so
useless to me, he does nothing for me. Ugh. This party
atmosphere does me no good. I just really want a car so I
can leave when I want to and not always have to bum a ride
everywhere. I feel like the only reason i have my license
is so I can do stuff so my mom can do even more nothing
than usual. Tara, go to the post office and mail my
letters. Tara, go get milk. Tara, drive yourself to
work. Mom, can I go pick up Rachel, who lives 2 miles
away, just to bring her here? NO! It's retarded. Then I
have to buy my own school clothes, supposedly so that they
can have money to fix my car. And they haven't done a
fucking thing. And they took a stupid vacation without me,
even though I didn't want to go, I am getting nothing out
of this deal. I have to pay for gas to drive to work, and
then she drives the car until its on E, and I am supposed
to take more responsibility. She is only worried about me
keeping my room clean. She's so worried about me, and my
dad can come home drunk every day and not do a damn thing
for us except supply money, and thats fine. She doesn't
even have a job, and she wants to tell me I can't drive her
car because my room is messy! Hah, I can't drive it to
work or band, thats the only place I ever drive,
literally. THe only reason I was ever "allowed" is because
she doesn't feel like it. Bitch bitch, I am confused
about alot of things.
Theres the whole Mike issue. I don't know, I just can't
stand him alot of the time. I don't know why. Maybe I'm
just an asshole.
I decided I need to stop being so boy crazy. I guess I am
not mature enough or whatever, haha. I don't need a
boyfriend, I am probably not going to meet any guys
anywhere so I need to give up. Maybe I'll ask Tommy the
Squid to go have some coffee with me. I keep thinking I
like Trevor, I don't know. Its better that I don't date
anyone ever again, because I am still too messed up from
Matt and Zach. I really liked Matt... I don't know what
happened with him. I guess I'll never talk to him again or
whatever. It seems like he wants it that way. I am too
proud, I just can't chase after him or long for him... i
mean, allow myself to long for him, because to me thats
asking to get hurt. I guess I'll get over it, just like I
sort of did with Zach. I had this dream that Matt showed
up to see me. I don't really remember much... but I wish
he would. I don't know. Maybe its better this way? After
all... he does live 4 hours away. *sigh* all well, things
are going great lately even though I complain alot. I get
to see Radiohead. fuckin yeah.