2001-08-15 19:18:20 (UTC)

ive never been hit so hard

god noes how im feeling at this moment. but i think even He
gives up. and to sum it up people should give up some time.
i dont noe where to start much less begin an ending of this
so called castle i so thought i could have protect and
shield. god. im in a mess. why do i have to be in a mess?
why cant i take me and my mess elsewhere where no one noes
abt it. think im junxed. and im not just saying that.
because i truly feel so. everyone loves you at some period
of time.. but they stop. and you can do no shit abt it.
gran' left. yeah dats abt it. been almost three years and i
havent handled the truth as im running away from it. but to
the shield and cover that i run to, that same shield is
going to leave me in complete solitude. three times, it was
initiated. and three times i refused to grapple the fact
that hey dis is it. can you shut up and handle the truth
that u cant hold on anymore. i thought i could. i thought
that if you wanted something so badly and you put ur heart
and mind and soul in it, top it up with the sincerest
sincerity, you can achieve it because u noe its so farking
what went wrong? is this the end of the chapter? this love
IS my life. a proposal of a recess in this love or rather a
proposal a stop or a juncture of this love would equal it
to one of life. where in the world have you heard someone
who lived, and took a break from life, in other words die,
and come back again to live? its once that and once this.
im just about to write a letter, or maybe even say it out
loud face to face, a lon awaited goodbye, a much relished
goodbye to my love. which equals the cutting of my life.
for once im talking sense. and it hurts right down to the
fucking bones.

"and the little girl who was the pride and joy of the
village felt so loved as every body loved her. the loved
her long cascading golden hair that resembled so much a sea
of silk. an one day, the little villagers started to cut
and snip the little girl's golden hair..and soon everyone
started doing so. the little was overjoyed but sad at the
same time. she wanted so much to make the little villagers
whom she loved so much, happy. but they were cutting all
her hair. but she thought that that was a small price to
pay for a return of love. this little girl had no one else
for company except the little villagers that came veryday
to cut her hair. dat s why she allowed them to come as
often as they would like to.
then one day she realised that no one came to visit her.
the flowers stopped blooming and everything in reach was
cold and bare. the little girl was puzzled. she became
lost confused.. she walked to the river and hoped to see
anyone of the little villagers there...but there was no
one.. she remained at the side of the river,..waiting and
waitng in hope that someone would come.. but nobody did.
and then finally the little girl felt thirsty after all
that waiting and she went up to the river and bent down to
scoop a little bit of waer to quench her thirst. as she
bent down, she saw a horrifying sight. through the
reflections of the river, she saw the most hideous sight
ever. she was now bald. she wasnt pretty anymore. and she
had no more golden hair. and it took her her last bit of
sanity to figure out why the little vilaggers who all once
loved her stopped lovin her. because she turned ugly and
she turned unpretty. and they could not wait for her to
grow her hair longer. the little villagers forgot the fact
that she would still grow more golden hair, all they had to
do was wait a little. but they gave up easily. coz they
thought she wasnt pretty anymore.
the little girl was crushed. she was more importantly
lonely. she was cold in the stillness of the night and
hungry to that matter for no one brought her food. why
could nt they wait a little while? why cant the sacrifice
this period of time with me? why cant they just bare to see
me ugly for awhile and when i have my golden hair back,
they can have it? but why couldnt they wait? why leave me?
dont they love me anymore? the little girl cried her eyes
out and she looked wrecked. she was alone. although there
were little animals and birds all around her, they could
not offer any warmth or love that she used to feel from the
little villagers. she knew she loved them and she knew that
deep inside they loved her. but she didnt noe why they
could not have waited and sacrificed this time of agony
with her...
the little girl then went intodenial. she wanted to so much
believe that this was all not happening. she went up to the
river once more to look at her reflections.. her eyes were
blurry.. tears were glistening all over.. she couldnt see
properly.. she bent forward and forward in hope to see a
clearer view..but alas, she feel into the darkness of the
river and was never to be seen again..
and so was the the sory of that liilte girl, who once had
long golden hair, and people loved her so much. but unknown
to the world she had a tragic end..."


the end.