Lost and Searching
2002-11-13 03:40:08 (UTC)


After a month to the exact day, justin is in town, and
calls, for the most part it was a pleasant conversation,
and i knew what it was leading up to....and when he asked
if i was coming over, i asked him a question instead of
answering, my question for him was when will you be home
again, and his answer was not until after jan 1....and that
was my answer for me, i knew that if i went over there,
that i would be allowing myself to hope and dream, and i
don't think that i can do that for another two
since my conscience has decided to awaken, its been killing
for some damn foolish reason i said no to some perfectly
great sex, b/c i was i don't know tired of being left
behind, and picked up for when sex was needed, i am better
than that, and must continue to tell myself it....

so now he is gone, and i am going crazy...but still my damn
unholy conscience says that i am alright, and that i will
make it through this, b/c i have made it through harder
times....well i am telling it to bite me