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2002-11-12 05:18:09 (UTC)

Things can get better

I stopped writing in this stupid diary and deleted all my
entries about a month ago. I don't think people read this.
I've read other peoples entries and most of them are
depressed, like I was and still am at times. I didn't
expect anything to be better. I went to Marie's this
weekend and she hooked me up with her boyfriend's best
friend. Hes the biggest sweetheart. I guess he likes me a
lot. He said if I were his g/f he'd come up here every
weekend. He's 18 so he can drive of course. I've been
thinking about him now that I'm back home. He broke up
with both his girlfriends over the weekend, I like to
think it has something to do with me. Both his girlfriends-
that sounds bad, but they treated him like shit. Atleast
the one I met did. But yeah hes a babe, we went out
Saturday and he took me to a movie, then to chick-fil-a,
and then bought me a smoothie! I need a REAL boyfriend.
What else has happened...I'm over my eating disorder(s). I
still throw up once or twice a week but in comparison to
once or twice a day I'm better. I eat somewhat normally.
For awhile when I first tried to eat I binged constantly
and I think I gained weight. I'm going on a diet starting
tomorrow so i can get down to like 115 lbs.
If I want to be happy I need to change, I need to get
control over my emotions. I don't want to ever feel like I
did a few weeks ago ever again. People do care and they'll
listen to me. I haven't allowed myself to get close to
anyone. Its all small-talk to me. Everytime I've cared
about something a lot it doesn't last. So we'll see what
happens when I start dating Justin, hes going to call
tomorrow or the next day.


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