T

enlightenment

i am missing him a lot and feeling kinda sad. my parents
havent talked to me, and im on my own for a lot of gthings.
my mom wont send me money for food anymore, nor will my
father help me get out of th shitting mess im in with my
whole apartment situation.
though i still feel so badly that i dont speak to him, i go
throughout everyday feeling like i am still with him. like
he still has me.. like we have just been too busy to talk.
i wonder how he is doing and if he is okay. thinking about
him calling me scares me and gives me hope at the same
time.. i cant help but wish that someday.......

but my brother says that those feelings of hope may change
and i will feel such true enlightenment. though right nowi
just feel lost, but with some daily direction. ive spent
so much time wishing that he was my ultimate goal. now
that its gone its hard for me not to see it that way.. i
still feel like that goal is there.. maybe these feelings
will change but i just dont know. i still love him, but i
also know that i am strong enough not to cave and talk to
him simply because i know i need to fix myself. i hope
happiness comes with that. i love you x