Timothy

Jack's Twisted Kingdom
2002-11-11 06:29:47 (UTC)

nothing in common

strange, I find that seems to be my thing, right now
anyhow. I don't have anything in common with any one I
know, with the possible exception of my "brother", and
even there, it's mostly the fact that our lives have so
coalessed (sp?) that we simply gravitate towards both
the same thoughts on all things, that we don't really
notice that everyone thinks we are the other.

point in fact, Mel will for the most part be reserved and
quiet, somewhat comtemplative, and more or less,
fairly brooding. While I, in his company, around the town
as it were, am the total opposite. I am obnoixous, a
boor, loud, and voracious to say the least. Yet there are
times, when we are the complete opposites, within a
certain realm of possibilities, could it be that we simply
feed off of each other? This I wonder. Many things I
wonder.

Like, for instance, I was I think I wrote about it yesterday,
invited out, and I decided not to go. Now why in the hell
did I give out my number, if I had no intention of making
good on my so called "social obligations"? good
question. I have no point of reference with the 4 people
with whom I would have spent the evening with. Other
than the simple fact, we all work together, okay, the
grrls and I do, but thier husbands, go figure, are both
from countries, other than canada, ones from the
states, the other is from the UK.

I saw this grrl, on the bus today, her name is Kat, she
has been with the same guy for years, and no matter
the problems, the cheating, the lying, the basic bullshit,
she has stayed with him. and I see it all the time, grrls
staying with guys who for the most part, treat them like
shit, or worse, treat them as if they are part of the
furniture, and on, and on in that vein. I liken it, to the old
saying... "if you can't have the one you want, love the
one you're with". I don't understand it, and honestly, I
wonder if I ever will.

But still, I don't see what I have to offer anyone, I have
for the most part given up any hope, of actively seeking
out a grrlfriend, the ones I am interested in, are taken,
or simply not interested in me, or I simply have nothing
to say to them. Like this blond, I don't normally find
myself attracted to blonds, dunno why, whatever, and I
looked into her eyes the other day at work, and I was
completly drawn in by them, and I just wanted to go and
talk to her, but when I did talk to her, the usual fluff, and
at work, you can't really say much, but, I pretty much
dropped the conversation. I had nothing to say. I
couldn't think of any reason for me to be talking to her.
and it still bugs the shit out of me.

What do I , have in common with other people? it
seems not to be very much, and I can't even do the
simpliest thing... connect with anyone for any length of
time. I wonder if I have been keeping people at arms
length, and just simply passing off my disinterest in
speaking with them, as a defence tactic in order to
make sure, that, well, no one cares. But I do care, I want
to have someone around me, that I can talk to. I mean, I
suppose that mel is the closest, but everyone
needs to have more than one good friend, I mean, they have
lives. and I seem to have this knack of finding myself in
these moods of "wanderlust", that no one I've met, has
as well...

~T~