i_bleed_life

The mediocrity that is me
2002-11-11 05:16:58 (UTC)

i hate it here.

I hate Glendale.

I don't know why I'm back here. It's actually been kind
of nice visiting my family and friends again --- and it
was great seeing Kripa and all.

I don't know why this is weirding me out so much. I hate
hate hate hate hate...something.

I don't know where I am with Anthony right now. I
seriously don't know at all. I'm so confused on that
topic. On one hand, I really do love the boy. I know,
but it's the same kind of love that I'd have for anyone.
On the other hand, he bugs the hell out of me sometime.
Like I don't want any committment, really. But some part
of me does. I love spending time with him.

I just don't know what to do.

And now I'm totallty weirding out about all that happened
last night. I don't know why.

So Anthony and Nick get really drunk. Like they both were
fucking trashed as all hell. And I hate myself for all of
this, like it's my fault. I don't know why I blame myself
for this. Anthony's throwing up, Nick's throwing up.
It's a mess. All of it. And then Anthony passes out. On
the fucking floor.

Kripa and I are wondering what the hell we should do.

I don't know what to say, the whole thing was just a
mess. I'm never encouraging anyone to drink a lot ever
again. Ever.

I'm not sure what to feel now. I don't know if he cares.
I dont' know if I want him to care.