bonni

ramblings
2002-11-11 05:11:30 (UTC)

swearing off alcohol, again.

last night was terrible. i drank again. tia and i were
having fun.. and that's when my benadryl kicked in. i went
through my whole routine of self abuse.. anywhere from
kicking everything in sight to pounding my fist at my head.
one of my knuckles is sorta busted and i have the craziest
bruises. i told tia and drew i didn't remember anything. i
do.. but it was like i was standing there looking at
myself.. but it wasn't me. they haven't mentioned too much
about what i did.. i don't really know what all i did, but i
remembered something that had happened to me a long time
ago... it's like, i knew it happened, but it hadn't occured
to me that it should bother me now.. i don't know.. it
sounds all out of whack.. but, well, it is. i don't
understand why it hit me last night, cause i was having fun,
i wasn't worried about anything of any huge importance..
but then i saw it all in my head.. i remember, how can he
not think about it every day??? I kept saying that "i know,
they wouldn't make him go away, i remember" that's all i
know i said.. i just kept freaking out.. i don't know..
last night was just something else. i woke up on the floor
by my bed around 10am.. i guess i'd slept straight
through.. funny how the mind works, you never know when
something will come back to haunt you, something that you
try to forget.




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