Silent Eyes

Lost in this place
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2002-11-11 04:32:38 (UTC)

The phone call....

My nieces came over as they do every week and we were
goofing off and eating candy....I think they are the
smartest people around...They see things so clearly and can
feel, and sense things too... The phone rang and to my
disbelief it was Paul.... I was expecting to hear from him
on Monday night as usual the day before school....
Everything has become so routine...when he called I
reflected..opened up and released my newest thoughts on
him...He asked if any of it sounded familiar and I must
admit there were many similar thoughts that he shared and
told me previously....I held nothing back told him my anger
and he told me why he hated me so....We know we want to be
best friends...but nothing more, Alot of my anger is
derived from jealousy because I was hurt and am afraid to
lose him....Yet I told him we can't fear any more we need
to let things be...Our communication brought the connection
I once felt streaming through me...I felt the love all
over, yet fought against it for, I am do not want anything
nor expect it....I want to release my anger and leave my
hate, which I practiced and did...Our communication was so
great...We ended with my niece wanting to talk to her uncle
Paul...She growled and we giggled like best friends do back
in elementary...I felt like a kid again talk to
their "crush" yet the bond I was getting was so great...I
love my niece with everything and to share that moment was
priceless....Later that night we played with clay and
colored then "Uncle Paul" came over and we indulged in
another wonderful conversation....could this be the
beginning of my change?

I can only hope at least I lost that anger tortured soul
bit for awhile, I felt like he was here and I havent felt
that in a LONG time....

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