a day in the mind of a drama queen
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2001-08-14 18:29:39 (UTC)

yesterday's scars

yesterday was a day of reflection... again. this time i
reflected on devon. i suppose i should share what happened
to cadence and devon a couple of nights ago. its as simple
as this... they broke up. cadence had called me crying
telling me it was over. what was i supposed to feel? i
didnt no. was i supposed to be happy becuase finally devon
is free from cadence's evil spell and now can see me for
the devoted person i am to him? no. should i be sad, and
grieve along with my best friend? maybe. that night i
ended up feeling nothing. devon did call a number of
times, wondering what went wrong. the problem and reason
for everything that happened, had everything to do with
cadence. a habit she has and wont get rid of is denial.
she denies everything. she tells devon she doesnt believe
he cares about her. she denies knowing that people are in
love with her. jason has been running after her for almost
a year now, and she still doesnt believe he likes her all
that much. i dont no if shes trying to feel sorry for
herself, or what... but it gets devon pissed off. and that
gets me pissed off. the fact is: they treat eachother like
shit. well, i played my part in trying to get them back
together and figured it was better off they stayed apart.
well, to my surprise, cadence calls me the next morning
(happy as can be) and all made up with devon. they were
arguing, apologizing, making up, then flirting, then
arguing, etc. it got me so pissed off, so depressed...
that i just put down the phone. eventually she hung up. i
no devon could never like me. i no that for sure. and
that doesnt hurt anymore, because ive already made it a
fact. the thing that hurts is that he's going out with
HER. i hate the both of them.
i had a sleepover last night. it turns out one of my firends is
going through
some really tough times (thanku kathleen for pionting out my mistake
by saying her name), and her parents are getting a
devorce. so we thought it was best if she got away from
her family and spend sum time with us. it was cool.
ive been thinking non-stop about jon. i really like him
a lot. but everytime i think i like him i try to tell
myself, "no, he was flirting with sum other girls he liked
better" and i was the one who called it off. but jason
sez that jon wanted him to break up with me for him. now,
its times when i think of THIS, that i dont like him
nemore. but when i 4get that and think about his voice.
his soothing voice. so tender and caring and protective,
that i dont care if he likes me, i just want to be with
him. it may sound crazy, but i wish i wouldnt have broken
up with him. he has everything that devon lacks. and what
about devon? theres still a part of me that is in love
with devon. maybe im a Schizophrenic or sumthing. well i
better get going. me too. and me also. goodbye! cya.

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