DeterminedWanderer

Songs in Ordinary Time
2002-11-09 20:59:09 (UTC)

Mmmmm. college applications...

Mmmmm. college applications. lame.

I went out with Rachel last night. She's such a gentleman,
but she's a little too into me. I mean, I sort of brought
it upon myself because I go to these raves wearing hardly
anything and Totally grinding with rachel when she askes me
to dance, but i'm really not interested. i mean, I adore
that girl, and I know that I've told her that, but she
isn't my type. Not that I HAVE a specific type, but rachel
just isn't what I'm looking for.

Liz and I had a silly sort of fight yesterday. I was a
little mad because she blew me off for this girl Yana. Yana
is really rad, and I haven't even seen her. We've spoken
over phone and stuff, but i've never really met her.
Anyway, I was sort of irritated and Liz could tell. She
kept trying to make me mad because she thinks I should be
more irrationally upset. She wants me to yell at her, but
thats just not my way of doing things. Anyway, she pushed
me a little too far and i turned around and kicked her in
the ass. not hard. it didn't hurt or anything. that started
a whole two hour adolescent boy-like shove fest wherever we
went. Neither of us were hurt, and a lot of it was
suppressed sexual energy because we hadn't been together in
over a week, but it was silly. I have yet to talk to her
and laugh about it.

Talked to Mary today. Man, I miss her. (at first I
typed "you" instead of "her". subconscious perhaps?) I
really like her pictures. Her girl is a real cutie. For
some reason I dont want to aprove of me saying that. oh
well.

I got this comment from her that said she didn't understand
something I said. I think what I initially meant was that I
miss her. I miss being with her. I cant be with her because
I dont deserve her. I fucked it up once and I'm not going
to do it again. She deserves better than that. But I cant
help but miss her. And i love her.

fuck.




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