Silent Eyes

Lost in this place
2002-11-09 19:27:21 (UTC)


He was my best friend...and I still want him to be...How
could he do this to me though? He went behind my back with
my biggest secret and now EVERYONE knows and this isn't any
fucking highschool crap. It's serious PERSONAL business.
I don't understand people. I just want to get away from
all of the betrayl and deception. This was the guy I loved
for over a year. I've never experienced so much hurt.
What does he say? I'm sure your thinking. Well he is a
great guy, he apologized. But I want more than an apology
I want him to see my hurt and pain...what does he tell me
after I tell him I'm hurt and haven't been able to talk to
him about it. "GET OVER IT" "Your being imature" Actually
your the fucking imature bastard that had to tell you
asshole of a best friend who YOU know HATES me. So he can
ruin my LIFE. MY LIFE. What does that even mean to you?
I have loved you so MUCH, I'd do anything for you, I love
your smile and how you make me laugh, why did you take it
away? Well all those walls I tore down for you are slowly
building back up. We had a great time. I must admit I was
so crazy about you, I told you everything about me. I
always felt intimidated by your intelligence, and it's hard
to see the bond we once shared growing with others and
disappearing between us because to be honest, I'm not ready
to lose you, but shit happens right? I guess I knew this
day would come. It has right? Why can't you give me the
love you did before. You threw me so low and expect me to
be the same girl. I treasured you. And now I'm just
another friend. Actually I feel lower. I wouldn't put
limits like you do to me on friends. we are what is
it "weekly buddies?" Yea that's it. WHY? Why can't you
just hangout with me and be a friend like you were before?
Well I guess I do need to get over it all. I mean after
all I need to get used to the idea that we'll eventually
start seeing other people. I'm so confused. All you say
you want is a girl that doesn't play games, I might play a
few games because it's hard to talk sometimes but you play
to many games. You pretend to love me and then hate me
when your withe the asshole of a friend. What do you
want?!?! I can't do much more I'm going insane with the
pushing pulling loving and hate. I still love you. WHY? Do
you even care?