Megs

it never seems like love does work out
2002-11-09 18:49:24 (UTC)

I've been missing you lately because...

So this may sound cliche, and i may sound like some stupid
girl whining, but i have come to a conclusion...i don't
belong where i should and i don't recieve the love that i
need here either and i am losing reasons on why exactly i
have to stay here.
the holidays are getting close, and i am sad. chrismas and
thanksgiving are not good times for me. even with the
vacation from school, i hate it all. i would actually rather
be in school during the holidays than have them off but i
can not speak for every kid or every teacher.
i hate the holiday season mostly because the holidays are
a time for families to get together and be thankful for
each other; the holidays by connotation are a time for
people to open presents and eat dinner, together. but for
me, it's a different story. i sit in my room alone waiting
for january to come listening to old cds or chrismas songs
on the radio because everyone knows that's all that airs
during thanksgiving and chrismas.
i know i am not the only one, but certainly i know i feel
alone and that i don't belong.
in hawaii, OHANA means togetherness, family. no one is
forgotten and no one is left behind.
in hawaii, OHANA also means community, where the family
fails, the community takes over.
i'm a hawaiian girl living in a city that doesn't really
need me in a family that doesn't really want me.
so getting back to the point...
when you wrote in that letter you gave me during
convention, the part that said,"i will always love you"
struck me. i appreciate it a lot. but what i can not
understand is why you said that. no one has ever told me
anything that nice. even though i know you meant it as
friendship, i still can't understand why you would want to
love me. i'm a little too...well, a little too less of
everything. i'm not pretty, i'm not happy, i'm not a good
person. i'm a little too ugly, i'm a little too lonely, and
i'm a little too less of a good a person. i don't understand why you
would care. nobody else does. i know. i've been told. and i
guess that is what i am believing because no one else has
told me otherwise. so what i am trying to say is, thank
you, but why did you say what you did? do you really mean
it?


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