*My Diary, Read it and Weep*
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2002-11-09 13:42:42 (UTC)

new life!!

well...i havent written in this damn thing for soooo long!!
and my life has totally done a backflip! lets see...the
whole dillema that i was going through last time is so done
and over with! (thank god) and a lot of new things have
happened............so, I'll explain. Lets see...i met a NW
jeff..and dated him for a little bit, what an idiot! then i
dated this moron named chris, HA! funny..that relationship,
if thats even what you wanna call it, was a total waste of
my time. And then I almost hooked up (again) with my
Ex..Chad, did i mention him last time? well if i didnt he
was my first love! Well that fell through the cracks, cuz i
just happened to remind my self WHY i dumped him the last
time...he hit me! HAhah my life sux. and ne ways....i
finally got hooked up with a guy who i thought i WOULD
NEVER date..i guess u find wonderful things in unexpected
places! I have been friends with this guy since like...8th
grade...and he was a sophomore. now i am a sophomore and he
is a senior. well, he has always been there for me, when i
needed help with previous bfs...or i just wanted to talk.
And when people would say shit about me, which was
often..doesnt say much for me ..but oh well...hed always
defend me. and i guess i didnt realize what a good friend
he was until people told me that he always did that, no
matter who it was or how close they were to him...and if
they WERE close to him they knew not to say that shit
about me around him, even if they didnt like me...cuz they
get gangked up and tossed! lol...well ne ways..this
guy..STEVEN..asked my ehhh friend ashley to come over one
night cuz this guy she had a crush on would be
there...happening to be my lil buddy joey. and he asked
her..hey bring amanda with u, cuz see we were SCHOOL
friends...we had never actually chilled outside of it. NE
ways!! well so he picked us up from school...and what not,
and we went to his house. we chilled for a while...then at
about like...9...we all went into the hot tub, needless to
say, hot water does something to people....makes them horny
LOL. to make a long story short...we did it. EEEK not the
best way to go about it i guess, but hell...we both wanted
it soo..ne ways. well....i went over there every day after
this...and sometimes things would happen sometimes things
wouldnt..but one day i asked him (after joey had informed
me that steve was thinking of asking me out) "are we
dating..or, not? and hes like "Baby....i dont just have sex
with girls i am not dating!" Yea, like i was sposed to know
this!!! lol..so then we were official. wow, that word
sounds so childish. never realized that until i typed it!
Ne ways. Ever since then...my feelings had grown from
friends with benefits...to love. he makes me sooooo
happy..except for the occasional PMS moments we BOTH have.
but that is normal in a relationship. The thing is..i said
i love u before he did. and i guess from what he said
it "freaked" him out a lil bit. well...one night my mom
kicked me out of the house...and steve was in another city
visiting his sister. Well i had no where to go, and since
his mom loves me..i called her..she wasnt home. So i got
desperate and called steve. He drove 2 hours and 110 miles
to come and get me. we went to this city, which i happened
to have been born in.. and spent the most fabulous weekend
there. Well..we came "home" and i unpacked and what-not,
and we get a phone call. My mother. Stating that if i am
not home in 15 mintues i will be arrested..( i was already
on probation for something stupid) and said that i was
listed as a runaway and that the cops were at my house. So
we halled ass home. and sure enough the bitch had called
the cops. well the cops told him to go stand by the cop
car, and that made me cry cuz i thought he might get
arrested for "harboring a runaway." So i went in and
naturally rhe cop who thinks he is god got an attitude with
me and i had a scream fest with mr prick. So...we finally
cooled down, and the cop asked my mom if he had ne thing to
say to steve. Well she did and when they called him up to
the house...which was near my garage at this time..i was
inside and couldnt hear ne thing...but appearantly as soon
as he walked up to my mom he started BALLING. Now u have to
understand...steve is one of those people who, when
something hurts him or makes him mad...he shows no emotion.
well my mom said that he just started balling..and then she
told him that he couldnt see me ne more..and he started
crying more. He finally professed his love. he told my mom
that he loved me sooo much and that it would kill him if
she took me away from him, and that he would fight for me
if she decided not to take what he was saying into
concideration. well i finally heard him crying and ran
outside..he was crying BADLY still...and i hugged him
reallyyy tightly, and asked what was wrong. He was like
baby I LOVE U SOOO much!! he goes..u mean more than ne
thing in the world to me..and i will never lose u. i asked
him why he hadnt told me sooner and when he figured it
out..and he said i have known since the 1st time i ever
laid eyes on u..he goes, and i didnt tell u sooner cuz
everytime i tell someone i love them they get taken away
from me like u r being taken from me right now.. then we
both cried more. it was soooooo great but sooooooooo sad @
the same time...uhh..but my fingers hurt now...so ill
finish later..love u all peace~