DayDream Believer
2002-11-09 10:58:06 (UTC)


My life is just so funny, I think Im gonna laught myself to

First of all, remember my last entry about Thomas been
lying to me?
Well, the same night I was gonna home til him because I had
been working, and he knew I was comming, but the truth is
that I was thinking about going home instead, but then I
have to take the buss for an hour, and the my mother has to
pick me up at 01, or I have to take a taxi or walk about a
nother hour. Beside since Tommy knew I was comming I though
he would be upset if I didnt come and the last thing we
needed was more truble!

So I came, but I took the last buss, thats the first time
i`ve done that, and I did not exactly hurry when I was
going up the road to his house eather...
iT was one am in the morning when I first got there, he was
asleep but me walking in wake him up. So I went in to this
sleeping/livingromm sat down on the sofa and pat his cheek
in the dark and said I was sorry for waking him up, he said
he was glad to and asked if anything was wrong, but I said
no. So he was lying in his bed and asked why I wassnt
coming to, I said I was just going to the bathroom then
I`ll be coming. Im sure I used about half an hour there!!
Went back to the sofa, he was stil awake in the bed, I just
sat there and once agen he asked if anything was wrong. But
I said no, all evening I had been thinking weather if I
should say anything or not, because we allready had a long
talk about or relationship a few days ago and then back in
the boat and the week before that. (the bigger person)

Finaly I want to bed, next to him, Tommy understod that
something was wrong, but diddt know what. When we was lying thre in
bed he keept asking me what it was, but I wasnt sure if I wanted to
tell him, but then I did, and I was right It did make him upset "are
you stil thinking about that" I understand how he was shocked for a
moment he thought I might be pregnant, lol. Butb the thing is, when
he told me he had been lying to me I did not became upset cuz I didnt
know how to react, but afther I thought about it I knew I wassnt okey
by it, it feelt like everything in my life had been a lie.
He got mad and sick of me wiping out for nothing, why is it so that
everytime I get upset he get pissed and I feel like I have to
comfort him and make him happy instead?
Well, I made it, and we had a nother talk for sevral hours, and
everything was perfect;-)
We only got 1,5 hours sleep, not god at all, but everything was
perfect between us.

That was tueseday, on wedensday Grace was upset because I was never
around anymore and when I was I had company.
Thursday I thought I should let Tommy sleep so I diddt planed to go
to see him, I was working that day. Before work he called me and I
was in town, so he came into town to stay with me for under 30
minutes!! So cute, he knew I had to work and stil he came;-)
And then he came back afther dinner when I was working and stayed for
about an hour:-)
He knew I wassnt comming afther work and did not say anything about
it, but when he came home from his last visst he sendt me a message
saing if I was comming to see him afther school the next day?
I wanted to, oh my how much I wanted to, but I had planned to stay
home for the weekend, so I told him about Grace all most crying about
me not staying enught at home and said I was planning to stay home
with her that day, and he said okey, but maybe I should take some
time off work next time, and I answed with that was a good idea, and
said that I hoped he wassent upset because of it and how great I
feelt thing was between us now:-)
Grace did not exactly know about my plans and had girl friend staying
over, but I put a facial mask on me and one on the two of them and
they thougt it was funny:-)

Then my father got mad bacuse I had done that, even thought my mum
know we have been doing it since she was three years old. (you try to
play butisaloon without any costumers..) And my mum let they play
with make up and stuff all the time.
Then he told me how bad it is, they have 1,2 million in debt, and my
father has been sick for four mothns and is not working. He is the
one who make the most monny in the family. The doctors cant find
whats wrong with him and he`s sick of beeing sick and doctors, tests
and all that.
And he`s vorrid for me cause Im working so much and going to school,
everytime Im home I so tired that I sleep most of the time. He dont
want me to work or at least not work that much, I dont need to work
eather, I live home for free, they give me pocket mony, but I love
mony, shopping and saving to my future..
He want me to take care of shcool, get an education, and even though
Om not marrid he says Im in my first marrige without beeing marrid. I
understand why he think so, but that`s not true!
And he dont like Tommy, says all sort of bad things about him and
call him gay when he`s not there! He liked Dante so much, why cant he
like Tommy just because they dont have the same intrest??
My mum like Tommy and feels sorry for him the way my father act, but
I dont know how much he has noticed and dont wanna say anything to
make him suspicios.
But we did not fight yesterday, we were bouth sad and cryed ans said
I love you and huged.

So they want me to stay more home, Tommy want me to spend more time
with him at his place, Bob want me to work as much as I do know I
think, Kelly wants us to go out in town partying, School wants ,me to
do more homework and write this task about an author, Cessy wants to
talk about her grandfather whos dyeing, my dog wants me to take her
more ofthen to a walk, my room wants to be cleand, and guess what I
want???? No one has ever asked about that!
But of someone in about a hundred yeas should think of asking (sure
I`ll be dead then) what I wanted was everything, I want to do it all
so everyone will be happy. I dont wanna give preference to what to do
anymore and never make it all.
But first off all I want to have more time with Samuel.
I see him everytime I`m home, and the morings Im sleeping home Im
going over to his house before school to say hi and give him a big

My life is so funny, no truble`s, problems or to much to do, I think
Im gonna laught my self to death..