my messed up life...
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Well last night was halloween..
Well last night was halloween it was a lot of fun! I went out w/ a
bunch of people! Josh still hasn't called me back I don't think he's
going to either :( I miss him so much! I really hope we'll be back
together someday. That's why I don't like going out with a lot of
people because once you break up everything you had even the
friendship you had before you were going out, is gone, probably
forever. Josh and I were friends for about 6 months and we were
really good friends, I wish we were atleast still friends like we
were back then.
I've been doing some really bad stuff lately I've been drinking a lot
and I'm not talking a bout beer I mean hard liquor such as whiskey
vadka deciela you name it. The worst thing I've done probably started
last Thursday; Me, my sister, and Trista went to a football game and
we met these guys and after the game we couldn't find a ride so they
gave us a ride, their names were Brack and Paul, they were on speed
but I didn't know it then. Anyways after they dropped us off Trista
and I gave them our #'s. The next night my dad was a sleep and my mom
was gone and Trista wanted to come over so I took the truck w/ only
my sister knowing because she would cover for me if anyone saw that
the truck was gone. So I picked Trista up and when we got home Trista
called Paul and Brack and then they decided to come over, but when
they came over Trista and I were so out of it it was unreal, I had
about 10 or 11 shots of whiskey and some deceila in kool-aid and a
half of a beer, so basically I didn't know what I was doing. Paul and
Trista ended up making out in the back of Brack's car and Brack got
me in my sister's room we were making out, I don't even know why I
was making out w/ him I don't even like him I didn't then either, I
remember I kept on telling myself it was Josh. Soon Brack pulled down
my pants and he did some things which I'm not even going to mention
then he told me to return the favor by having sex with him but I said
no and he got mad I could only tell he was mad, then he did some more
stuff to me just to make me wanna have sex with him so in the
condition I was in of coarse I gave in. I kept wanting it to be Josh.
I regret everything that happened that night! It was so wrong! If I
was still going out with Josh none of that would have happened, but
I'm not blaming that for what I did.Brack tried calling me the other
night and I told him I had to go, since then I've been avoiding him
completely, I hate him for what he did and I hate me for what I did,
I think Brack was on some kind of drugs because he was acting weird
and he kept asking for me to give him head and have sex with him. I
need to stop drinking I'm thinking about getting saved and getting
baptised so I get leave that past behind and start a new life. I'm
only 15 and I'm already turning into a slut. Their are a lot of guys
that like me but I think they like me just for my looks, except for
one guy, Jerry, he goes to my school and I work with him he's really
sweet and he tells everyone at work how much he likes me I know he
thinks I'm cute but I think he likes me more for my personality. He
has a gf but he told my friend that if he didn't he would ask me out.
My other friend over heard him saying he was going to break up with
his g/f. I don't think he's that cute but he's so nice and he has an
innoscent face. He has a car too, and I think he's a senior. I don't
know if I would go out with him though. He is different from other
guys I've gone out w/, he's respectful!
Well I have to go, but if anyone reads this don't make these
mistakes! If you have some advice for me please e-mail me at