chicken little

Nicole, it's what's for dinner.
2002-11-09 00:45:01 (UTC)

tears

You showed up in my dreamn last night. It was nice to see
you again, as you used to be. We were planning my
graduation, I am not sure if it was for college or high
school. We were setting up the house for a party, you
helped me place the chairs. You mentioned Aunt Loretta, you
smiled. It was nice to see you not sick. Then I was
awakened by something, but I wanted to stay asleep so I
could see you longer. I drifted back off again, but I don't
think it was the same dream. Then I fully woke up, and I
was happy at first, to have seen you, but then I got sad
because it was such a brief visit. Then I thought of your
grave, being saturated with the rain that was falling
outside my window, and I felt this deep, sinking feeling.
To just hug you once more would be wonderful, so wonderful.
I think if I was guaranteed to see you in my sleep I would
want to sleep as long as I could. I miss you so much, so
much. Sometimes I think of you and I am ok, I can handle
not having you around. When I am teased with your presence,
in my all so realistic dreams, I wake up in a saddened
state because they are not enough to satisfy my emptiness
since you have been gone. Everything is changing now. The
family is not as close, Ercia is getting married, people
are going away for the holidays. We are not having
Thanksgiving here for the first time I can remember. Do you
know how much that hurts me? All my life my security, my
stronghold, was the closeness of my family, and now I feel
that slipping away. My little sister is going away, little
Erica. I will never see her, and things will never be the
same. We will never be best friends again, I will never be
able to climb in her bed when I am scared or sad, she will
never sleep over at my place when I move out. Our house
will no longer be full of laughter and love on
Thanksgiving, but will be replaced with the deafening
silence of our absence. Why has this happened? Why can't
everyone continue the tradition, even though you are gone.
We still love eachother, do we not? I just don't understand.




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