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2001-08-13 21:26:38 (UTC)

Forsaken By All and Even More Sadly By Myself As Well

To think...I despise doing things for people who don't
care about me and yet I still babysit my nine month old
nephew so my sister can spend her day with an evil twisted
bastard.
Sure now I am finally getting paid a little, but when
in truth Rob should be with me, I feel I am allowing them
to be together to ruin my life and make me want to die.
I always seem to bring pain upon myself and I suppose
I really do. All I can think is, "I need the money. The
sooner I have some cash, the sooner I can be free from this
inescapable hell that I call home."
Though even if I did have money to go somewhere, I
have nowhere to go. So I suppose I try to obtain money
just in case. Until someone cares about me and I can move
in with them as opposed to a neglecting critisizing
family.
All I desire is to be loved...nobody sees that. They
don't realize that they are far more cruel than they intend
to be. I long to die or have them all killed or at least
be removed from reality as opposed to having to suffer
forever from their never ending torment.
For being a fifteen year old, it is unjust for me to
have to deal with such cruelty. I barely had a childhood.
I've grown up too fast and was pushed aside so I rarely had
time to just have fun with friends and be content with life.
Being content with life...now that's something I long
for. I suppose I was fine until we moved. My sister
becoming pregnant, we needed a bigger house so that the
baby would have a room. Worse yet, my mother allowed my
sister's boyfriend to move in with us. I was the only one
to see what a bad decision that was.
It wasn't until more than half a year she finally
kicked him out. Just being around him made me lose the
will to live. I wasn't like that before. Before what was
supposed to be my room became my sister's...before my
birthday party was given to my sister for her baby
shower...before the only person I trusted to talk to forgot
totally about me and wants only my sister...before my
sister's car broke down so she was just given mine...
My sister all too often coments on how her life sucks
though she has no idea what can make a life suck.
How can her life suck? What's a negative in being
gorgeous and thin, with a great room, a car, everyone in
love with you even while you choose to be a bitch, your
only parent in love with you as opposed to your younger
unwanted sister? They all seem like fine things to me.

Dear sister...get a fucking clue and see the truths in
life. From the minimal downsides in life you have had to
endure, you will most certainly be shocked when something
that might actually make your next to perfect life suck
comes along.
I do agree with one thing you've said though.
Sex ...it's not worth it. You had a child, but everyone
loves you. I got heartache from the man you're now
dating. What's worse?
By all means continue dating him...leave me to suffer
and die. Hell...it's what I've wanted lately anyway.