the true confessions of moi
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2002-11-08 17:54:37 (UTC)

chocolate as a love substitute

i only to go the dentist one more time and all my cavities
will be filled... my mouth's sore from yesterday and the
day before, my jaw i mean, so much holding it open so they
can DRILL and whatever else they do. i need a job
baaadddly cause i can't deal with this being broke thing
at aalll... i got 9 applications yesterday and have filled
them out, and i'm going to go hand them out tomorrow. i
wish i had something to put on a resume but there's really
no point in making one saying exactly what it says on the
application form. oh well. i told sam i'm not happy with
things with us and he cared and listened and did nothing
at all to change anything, but is convinced as always that
jsut saying there is a problem solves it. whenever i get
upset or mad or tell him something i think is important he
goes on about how much he'll fix things and how starting
tomorrow blah blah blah... well, it's only happened a
couple times, but still, he never does a thing. and i
really don't want to do anything until he shows some sign
of being able to DO something to fix a problem, cause so
far he hasn't ever. i just want to tell him 'do this or
else', but that's horrible and i can't do that... although
i dont see why i shouldn't be able to, really. sigh. oh
well, i guess.. things'll work out how they work out. and
speaking of working, i want a job at petland! playing with
animals all day.. and working the cash register, meh.
sam's at the vennaskond concert now so i have nothing to
do.. i watched hilary and jackie, the end of it cause i
watched some of it last night, and it's really good but
really sad. and i'm bored now, like i was saying. i don't
want to go give out applications to people, it's
like.. :S 'i want to work here' 'we're not
hiring' 'oh :S', i'm too scared of people, i don't want to
do this at all. but i DO want a job for christmas presents
for sam especially, other people too, but i want to get
him a really great mp3 player for christmas cause his was
stolen and he wants one... but i have no money, argh! i
know i'm getting him some things at least, nothing good
but stuff i know he wants and i have money saved for these
presents, just none saved for the mp3 player yet so i hope
i get money to buy him that so he'll be super happy with
me. maybe i can buy his love, eh? sigh. chocolate releases
a chemical similar to being in love, i've been told, so
i'm going to go eat chocolate and pretend i'm madly in
love like i used to be. :(

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