Candace

Candy
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2002-11-08 01:33:22 (UTC)

November 7, 2002 5:14PM (Thursday)

I know it's been a while since I've posted anything in
here. It seems like it's been a long time because so much
has happened since the last time I was in. I went to the
Sunday nights service with Keith Hudson. I have the notes
at Elizabeth's house though so I can't post them on here
yet. I'll talk about how it went in my next diary entry.
Elizabeth and I just got done jogging here. We're at the
green valley library right now. I didn't feel much like
coming but I came anyway so that she could check her mail.
There was something so awesome that happened last friday on
November 1rst. Pastor Jose called all of the youth up so
that he could talk to them and pray for them. He called me
up too because I guess he considers me one of the youth
even though I'm 20. I thought that was pretty kewl. Before
we went up there though I was trying so hard to keep myself
from crying. When I got up there though and Pastor Jose
started to talk about how we would grow up to be
successful, and that he loved us. I just started to cry so
much. I felt as if I was shrinking and I was the size of an
ant standing beside all of the youth there. I don't even
know why I was feeling that way. I think it was because my
biggest fear is that I will end up a failure, and that all
of the negative things my dad has spoken over me were true.
I also have been wanting a dad for a while now. Pastor Tony
came over to me and gave me a hug and held me. It comforted
me so much. That was Friday night. Sunday night after the
service was over I went home and I made an appointment with
God. I said 'ok God, this is an appointment, I'm making an
appointment with you right now.' And then I just started to
praise my way through the inner court. When I felt like I
was there or at least close I felt as if God was taking
notes. I felt like it was a real appointment and He was
taking notes on what I was saying. I felt like He was
actually considering my words and that they had worth. He
touched my heart. So, after that I layed down to try and go
to sleep. Not too long after I felt as if God was holding
me. I actually felt His arms and His body around me as if
He was laying with me and holding me. It was like He was
proving once again that He was the father that I had been
looking for for so long. It was so kewl. Ever since that
night, God is always speaking to my heart. He's always
holding me in the nights when I'm alone, and He's so real
to me. He's more real to me then He's ever been in my
entire life. It's so kewl and I wish so much that everyone
could experience it all the time. My fear though is that
once I grow to much He will stop coming to me as much as He
does. So, I'm going to make sure I don't grow too much.
There's just nothing like being in His presence. There's
nothing like His love and His word. I have to go right now.
Love, Candace

P.S. If someone is reading this diary and wants to
experience God like I am, this is all you have to do:

Ask - Say, 'God, if your real, please make yourself real to
me. If you love me, please show me. Touch my heart so that
I will know with out a shodow of a doubt that you want to
have a relationship with me and that you care.'

If you say that, and you really mean it, I mean you are
really searching to find Him, then you will. I can
guarantee it because God said "But if from there you seek
the LORD your God, you will find him if you look for him
with all your heart and with all your soul." Deuteronomy
4:29 It is true, I know it's true because it wasn't until I
sought God with my whole heart and all of my strength that
I found Him. And now I'm so glad I did.

P.S.S. I'll post Sunday nights notes that I took from Keith's sermon
here tommorrow. I didn't go to school today because I didn't have a
ride. I'm hoping I'll be able to get $30 before I start work so that
I can get a bus pass to get to work. Right now, I know that I need to
spend more time in the word and praying but I'm afraid that if I grow
too much God won't be so close to me because He won't think I need it
as much. We'll see what happens.


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