Christy

SuperWoman
2002-11-07 10:12:43 (UTC)

A new point taken

I知 not the sort of person who falls in and quickly out of
love
But to you I gave my affection right from the start
I have a lover who loves me
How could I break such a heart
But still you get my attention

Why do you come here
When you know I致e got troubles enough
Why do you call me
When you know I can稚 answer the phone

You made me lie
When I don稚 want to
And you make someone else some kind of an unknowing fool
And you make me stay
When I should not
Are you so strong or is all the weakness in me

Why do you come here
And pretend to be just passing by
But I need see you
And I mean to hold you tightly

Feeling guilty, worried
Waking from a tormented sleep
Ohh, this old love has me bound
But the new love cuts me deep

If I choose now
I値l lose out
One of you has to fall
And I need you
You, baby

Why do you come here
When you know I致e got troubles enough
Why do you call me
When you know I can稚 answer the phone

And you made me lie
When I don稚 want to
Make someone else some kind of an unkowing fool
And you make me stay
When I should not
Are you so strong or is all the weakness in me

Why do you come here
And pretend to be just passing by
But I need see you
And I mean hold you tightly

------------------------------------------------------------

I heard this song on TV tonight and I almost started to
cry. I have emotions running through me so fast right now.
I love Justene. I mean I cant stand to be away from her,
and my heart breaks when I think I might have hurt her. I
love her. I cant describe it, but I know that is what it
is. But I dont want to marry her. She doesn't know this but
I dont. I mean when I think of being married in my life, I
see me and a man. I want my mom at my wedding and I want a
groom standing beside me. I cant leave her though. I love
her. But I keep thinking that by being with her, will I
ever find a guy to marry? I miss dating guys more then
anything and sometimes I question so much about us. I mean
do I really love her? Is it just a friendship that has been
taken farther then most? Fuck I dont know anymore. I cant
see myself marrying her like I once did. I want some guy to
purpose to me, I want something more. At the same time I
dont know if I would ever be able to give up my promises,
my hugs, my Sunshine, my bedtime story, I dont think I
could ever find that comfort, that trust with another soul.
I cant see me being with her forever but I could never
imagine myself without her. I am so confused because I dont
know what to do. I feel it coming back. I feel the
confusion eating at my heart. I am determined not to go
back to the hospital. It has almost been one year since I
have been in the hospital. I wont give up the satisfaction
of knowing that maybe, just maybe I am beating this thing.
Fuck I dont know. I have no one to talk to about all this.
I want to finish my highschool so I can go to college and
get my piolts licence and be away from everyone for a bit.
Just get the hell away and hope something happens. I try
and make her see that a life with me really isn't what she
wants, but she gets upset and tells me that I am what she
wants. I dont know. This is not how it is supposed to be
anymore. I am supposed to be over this. I mean havent I
gone through enough already? I was fine with Amy this year.
Isn't that fucking good enough? I dont know what to do. Shit




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