Mind of a Wierdo
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2001-08-13 05:27:56 (UTC)

I hate today

No ... I lied no I dont. Well .. yes I do ... I dont kno.
It was a so-so day. I woke up at UHHHHH o yes ... 9:00
because my mom and Daria and My moms friend and Chris and I
were supposed to go to a Bridal Fair. (DONT ASK) Well I was
lookin forward to it cus Daria is into that kind of stuff
and I was looking forward to enjoying the entire thing with
Chris. (You kno the boy always asks ... but it confuses me
on whether he is being serious or not. I even asked him. I
told him that he wasn't even sure if he wanted to spend the
rest of his life with someone like me. And in a sincere
voice he said 'i would be honored to.' I mean ... he was
saying so much. And to someone who was serious about
getting married it was all they would want to hear. I mean
...... I dont kno ........ I love him yes ...... but to
think about marriage now ...... that is like pressuring a
lil kid on whether they want that really cute doll or that
puppy they always wanted. Shouldn't have used those haha,
in a way I would go for it ... but I got to keep thinking
about all the stuff that is goin on)Well I will get back to
that later ...... now where was I. Blah blah blah ..... ahh
yes ....... Well my mom ended up picking me up around 10:30
and then we went to pick up Daria and Chris. That is when I
discover that Chris can't go because his mom said no. I
mean ... that hurt cus I was looking forward to it and then
he is leaving tomorrow and when he comes home I am leaving.
I really can't say anything cus I can't go against a
mothers words. I just have to respect her decision. So I
didnt (once again) get to see him before a long trip. As I
said in some previous entry ...... I am goin to Arizona.
But other then that I made the best out of my day hanging
out with Daria. I mean I had fun .... I just kept wishing
Chris was with us. Well that all lasted up till 6:30. When
I came home I put my stuff away and went on the computer to
check my mail to see if Chris dropped me a letter. Nope.
But to my luck he came on line seconds after where I was
all happy but my spirits were still down. No clue as to
why. I think it was maybe I didnt get to see him to feel
the entire presence. We said our words to each other
(mainly how are you what did you do so on and so forth)
then I had to go eat dinner. I asked him if he was still
goin to be on but he wasn't and he said he would call me
later around 10:30 or 11 ... maybe 11:30. I think maybe I
am so down right now is because a great part of me is
saying that he isnt goin to call. Every time it ends up
that way and it kills me. But what can I say. All I can
hope is that he is okay on his trip and hope that he knows
I love him no matter what. I mean I didnt get to say it so
it wont have the full effect ... *sigh* There is so much to
say about everything. My family being one of the majors.
Think I will end this one here and make another entry for
that. Just so I don't mix all my feelings into one

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