a day in the mind of a drama queen
2001-08-13 04:29:01 (UTC)

the wieght of tomorrow

today i think about yesterday.. about tommorow. im in the
middle of time. i want to go back and am afraid to go on.
i want to relive those 3 years i have spent at middle
school. i need to relive them. but it is not allowed. i
am forced to move on to a school i have no passion for. i
DID have a passion for Lundahl. i will always have a
passion for that place. but the seasons are turning and
summer is nearing its end. soon i must move on to high
school... alone. i cant really say im going to be alone.
cadence, my best friend, is going. but all of my other
friends, i have become so attached to, have to leave to another
school. i know this is not the end, only new beginnings. but
these "new beginnings"
are just the thing i dont want to go through right now. i
dont need new friends. i want Lundahl to shine on,
forever. i ask of too much it seems.
today i had a conversation about my family. somehow we
brought up the subject of my sister's wedding (oh and it
was beautiful wedding). i shared something with my parents
that i thought i would never share, ever. i told them
about what i truely felt when the wedding was going on..
and that was neglection. i did not feel envy toward my
sister, for she is too kind-hearted to be envious of. i
just feel that when the wedding was going on, i had a
chance to go to the same highschool my friends are. but my
mother kept putting it off even after the wedding. then
high school testing came along and i lost hope. when i
told my parents about this, i began thinking of my
friends' families. every friend that i have has family
problems much worse than mine. i have a good family.
that's what i kept telling myself through my sister's
wedding, but looking back... i see thier mistake.
i sit here on my computer at 11:30 at night telling
strangers about this wieght of tommorow i carry only
thinking about yesterday.