thuggy

~*Why Does It Hurt So Bad?*~
2001-08-12 20:09:25 (UTC)

*sigh*

it is now sunday. its been a week. ive given all i can.
i was so happy last nite. i shoulda written then.
basically what happened was i found a note in my bag that
said "i love you always dana, natalio" and so i went to
talk to him and basically he said that my mom had called
him and that he "didnt need to be a babysitter" (direct
quote) and i was pissed. then i asked him if we were
together and he said that it was over. and basically i
begged him for another chance and he said if he did that id
fail and want ANOTHER chance. he said that i wanted to be
with alicia more than i wanted to be wih him, and i told
him that it wasnt true...i told him that i wanted to be
with him more than anything, and thats the god's honest
truth. after all the yelling and everything subsided, we
actually were talking some. not anything big, but, ya
know...small talk. i was so happy last nite. i thought
that in time we could be together again. i left and i was
so extatic. i went into work, looking forward to it
today. when he walked in, he was distant again. i
thought, okie..itll pass...it never did. he and ashley
were awful friendly again. i wrote him a note on my break
saying a list of why i missed him...the way he says "hey
sweetie!" when he calls me, the way he holds me, the way
he kisses me, the way he tells me he loves me, and that i
missed him because whenever guys come onto me, i want
nothing to do with them, bc hes he only one i
wanted...ect...i was doing fries at the time, and i saw him
standing real close to her. i was so pissed, that i
slammed the scooper down onto the machine. i was furious!
i was beyond furious! i was seething rage! i wanted to
destroy, kick, punch, hit, or yell...do something to get it
all out.then, luckily gumi didnt need another clue to take
me off, so he asked if i wanted to go home. i said, "yea,
before i kill something or someONE" when i said someone, i
turned around and glared towards him outta the corner of my
eye, but i didnt see him. so i went home. i came home and
cried for about an hour, bringing us to present time. im
so tired. i really am. i cant do anymore. i mean,
wtf?!?! no, thats it. im done. im done, im done, im
done. i cant handle anymore. i already have lost more
sleep and havent eaten an entire meal in about 5 days or
so. no more. hes hurting me too much. i cant deal
anymore. i have to know when enuff is enuff. now i know.
or do i?

love,
dana