Hee-Chan

A Place in the Dirt
2002-11-06 03:15:26 (UTC)

Foolish person

Yes, there's that guy that did a long resume of the
religion course for the exam. And he gave it to everyone.
Really, he's usually so selfish. But well, it's great
because I can study better now.

Well, nothing really terrific happened today. School, as
usual. Really boring.

God, I saw the previews of Harry Potter. They are sooooooo
cute these little guys!!! Haha!

One of my friend is jealous of my girlfriend because she's
having sex with me. He's like totally in love with me. But
he hates gay people and bisexual people. It just doesn't
work, because I'm bi and...well whatever. He's really
annoying. He email me like 4-5 love letters each day. I
don't know what to do anymore...

My friend Caroline reminded me and my girl how we got
together...shit it's sooooooooo sappy and fluffy. It was
like in the middle of the night, (my girl was sleeping to
my house)I was crying, and she asked me why I was crying
and then I said because I couldn't be with the person I was
in love with. And then, I don't know, I think she said she
loved me too and then we kissed and we hugged each other
and we slept like that. This is really too...cliché. It'll
be one year on November 29th. Wow, one year, it's really
long... I can't picture my life without her.

I lost weight. Not so much but I did. Only 20 lbs to loose
and it will be fine. I'll weight around 100 lbs. Seems like
the diet is working.

I'm really, huh, I don't know. I cut myself because it
keeps me sane, but it's certainly NOT sane. My upper arm is
a real mess. I can't wear short leaves shirt. Well, it's
more my shoulder than the rest. Anyway, we don't care. They
don't care. I don't care. That's fine like it is. And I
think I take too much painkillers. It's not really healthy,
but it keeps the headaches away for some time.

My mother's yelling at me again. She always does that. It's
the only contact we have, and she's always yelling.
Sometimes when I'm alone I hear her screamings in my head.
It never goes away. It's like haunting me. I don't think
she realizes what she does to her children. Somebody save
my life! I think I'll ask for another family to my
therapist. Sometimes they agree, and you go living with
some other people for some months. But I don't they will
for me. Even if she drives me to suicide they won't agree.
Maybe it's better to stay with her. I don't know. I don't
hate her, but I don't love her that much. She stays my
mother I can't loathe her really.

I'm going. Again I did nothing. Again I won't sleep. I
think I'll go cry for some time, and have a smoke. I don't
smoke usually, just when I'm too hurt I guess. When she
hurts me too much. BUt no one understands that near me.
Because they say it's either worst for them or they say it
can't be like I'm saying it is.

People don't want to listen to others problem, they want
others to listen to their problems, because their problems
are always the worst one. Well, excuse me, that's crap. No
one's the worst, we just have different problems and
different ways to live them. Understanding is not what
people think it is. Understanding is when you see the
other's darkness, and you see your own darkness, and accept
both equally. Understanding is acceptance. Acceptance is a
beautiful thing...

Well enough for today...byebye!




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